“Dye, egg! Dye!”

I woke this Easter morning to a beautiful spring day to the sounds of birds chirping in the backyard and light jazz wafting from the sunroom into the house along with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

This would not be an atypical Sunday morning because my wife usually wakes before me so that she can do yoga, which I believe is a little dude from “Star Wars.” Usually, this jazz is from one of those YouTube streams on the television where they play bossa nova jazz — or whatever relaxing music you prefer — against the backdrop of drone footage of Caribbean beaches or mountains or AI scenes on the shore of a lake, usually with a computerized cat lying around.

(The only cats I like, by the way, are the computerized kind that you can turn off whenever you want.)

To my horror this morning, though, the scene was a sadistic little bunny blinking its big ol’ doe eyes innocently at the camera like Susanna Hoffs from The Bangles while coloring Easter eggs in the presence of a couple of baby chicks — the bunny, not Susannah, of course. She injured herself walking like an Egyptian.

Now, I do a lot of professional work with AI, except for writing. (When AI takes my writing jobs, I’ll retire and watch the robot birds fly around my backyard.) I’m pretty good at spotting AI graphics, photos, videos and music — and I’ve produced some of each. So, believe me when I tell you that this bunny on TV was real! Fake bunnies never play jazz, even light bossa nova. (They usually prefer speed metal.)

In this day and age when so many people feel entitled to bypass laws and rules and norms, this sadistic bunny conducted its psychological terror operation right there on camera, never breaking its threatening gaze into the camera and just painting that same egg for hours like a cuter Jack Torrence in “The Shining.

The message it sent to those two poor captive baby chicks with it was clear — “If you hadn’t hatched early, I’d be painting you and hiding you behind a bush right now. Oh, look, it’s your baby brother. Let’s paint him pink and feed him to a 2-year-old!”

(I speak rabbit.)

I can only imagine what the birds from our backyard sanctuary were thinking when they flew by and saw the depravity on our TV screen.

“Those people who feed us — THEY HAVE A PET RABBIT PAINTING BABIES! I knew it was a trick!”

I just wanted to mark this Easter by reminding you of the old saying: “Don’t trust rabbits.” OK, maybe it’s a fairly new saying that I made up, but they are wise words. So, if you see a bunny today, know that this is their real nature — pure evil.

And if you hear any jazz tunes playing when you see that bunny, beat it with a paddle like Jimmy Carter on a fishing trip.