The Kudzu Kronicle

Because not all Southerners are the same

Fun with health insurance

Every since I had a serious car wreck in 2000, I’ve had too many pleasurable experiences with private health insurance companies to enumerate. Whether it’s not paying what they’re supposed to, inventing new bureaucratic potholes and red tape or just being the usual obstacle between you and your health, it’s always something. And ever since 2000, the rates have been going up.

This year I’m with a company called Coventry One, which was recently acquired by Satan’s Health Insurance, Inc. In an Obamacare sabotage state like Georgia, it’s more expensive than it is in places like Kentucky and Minnesota where their state government puts the welfare of its citizens over petty politics. Yet, I haven’t had any real disputes about their coverage because my general approach to America’s out of control, capitalist three-headed health care monster of Big Pharma, Private Insurance and Profit-Driven Care is to just not get sick, hurt, cough, sneeze or anything. I just go home and lock myself in a padded room.

But, I still have to pay a premium because (1) it’s the law and (2) a meteorite might slam into my padded room. Coventry One, however, gets real confused about processing these payments, and I’ve never had a problem with the three-headed monster taking money from me until now. For instance, I made a payment in April, they credited to my account, it never cleared, I called to ask if it was ever going to clear, they said sure and don’t worry about it, etc. It never cleared the bank, but Coventry shows it as fine. I made a payment earlier this month (June) and it did clear. But they say it didn’t. I’ve sent them proof to show it’s cleared and they won’t respond now except with automated calls to say I need to pay my June payment.

Perhaps I shouldn’t talk about them second-hand like that, though. Perhaps, I should just show you exactly what you can expect from their billing department. Enjoy!

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Nice to know I was paid up. I was just checking. Wait, uh-oh. They begin automated calls to tell me otherwise.

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Ah, well, that explains it. I’ll just verify with my bank that it never cleared. Um, wait, yes it did.

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OK, I shouldn’t assume they’ll screw up every payment, only 1 out of 3 or so. So, I should help them out …

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Of course, they’re going to need to see some proof.

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So, I send them proof and wait for the “appropriate corrections,” which never come, nor do I get any response whatsoever. Although, I did just get another stupid automated call today …

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And, today, I just made my July payment, which may be applied to my June “overdue” payment I’ve already paid or the April payment I tried to make, they said I made, but never cleared. Who knows? I think next year I’m just gonna let that guy from Nigeria who emailed me about a great financial opportunity handle my health insurance. I bet he knows how to process a bank transaction.

(July 6, 2016 update: Crickets chirping)

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1 Comment

  1. OMG!! I feel your pain…

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