We need more than just donkeys and elephants

Many Americans — and by “many” I mean me and some lady named Gladys in Topeka — long for an alternative to our nation’s current two-party system.

With so many Democrats determined to shoot themselves in the foot at every turn and finding new ways to whine, and with Republicans lacking integrity and spine to stand up to authoritarianism and oligarchy, the two-party system has hit a wall.

The only thing Democrats and Republicans can agree upon these days is that they don’t want any third parties at the table. Awesome! Something that can bring them together! And they said it couldn’t be done! 

But we gotta do it. I don’t know if that party is Forward, Green, Libertarian, Reform, Birthday or what, but it needs to occupy the middle space between the two currently lost parties in charge.

It’s hard to just form a party and immediately challenge the donkeys and elephants for the White House or win a majority in the House or Senate. BUT, even if such a party could win just 10-15 percent of the House or Senate seats, it would become the smallest but most powerful party in D.C. You would have to appeal to the common sense middle to get their support.

Who would make up this party? Ideally, it’d be working folks who know how to work within a budget. However, we know that we have a Congress of millionaires elected by special interests with even more money. And the White House is run by billionaires, including the president, a South African who just happens to be the richest person in the world and stands to gain much, much more from his tinkering in the U.S. government.

In short, no working folks allowed. But there have been a few politicians in Washington who have fought for common sense policies and American principles, and there have been plenty who have found their spines on the way out the door. A little late, I suppose, but better than becoming a permanent jellyfish like Lindsey Graham.

There are Republicans like Jeff Flake, John Kasich, Adam Kinzinger and Lisa Murkowski who don’t melt at the sight of Trump nor dance for his attention like Marjorie Taylor-Greene and every on-air personality at Fox News. And there are Democrats like John Fetterman, Jon Tester and Max Rose  who don’t coddle every protest movement like Ilhan Omar, Maxine Waters and every on-air personality at MSNBC.

Maybe we could even drag Bill Maher in to lead it. He’s not afraid to call out the lunacy of the left or right. And 90 percent of the time, he is absolutely correct (which was just confirmed to me by DOGE member Big Balls).

The middle is where it’s at. It’s where deals are made. It’s calmer. It’s where the least damage is done by politicians. And the middle is the best part of the Oreo and the Twinkie. 

Of course, the most important thing about forming a viable third party to challenge the Republicans and Democrats is to have the right animal mascot. I suggest the possum. In fact, I say we call it the Possum Party. Possums aren’t pretty to look at, but they don’t mess everything up like armadillos, raccoons, elephants and donkeys.

Besides, as a proud alum of Possum Holler Preschool, it just has a nice ring to it. Those were the best seven years of my life.

Yes, I know some weird people like to spell “possum” with an “o” in the front, but DOGE has eliminated that. Elon wants it called the “xpossum,” but he dropped that fight when he found out Tuesday night that we are spending money on making mice “transgender” from Trump.

(And, yes, I know that the money was used to make mice “transgenic” for experiments and trials, but I figure if Trump and Elon are running around looking for Mickey Mouse in a dress, they’ll do less damage to the systems people rely upon. While they’re at it, maybe they force Donald Duck to wear pants.)

Meanwhile, I invite you to join us in the Possum Party. We will fight for middle of the road policies. And if there’s anything possums know a lot about, it’s the middle of the road.