• Tag: Colonel Sanders

    Y’all leave the moon alone!

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    Y’all leave the moon alone!

    In the past week, Elon Musk shot part of a SpaceX rocket into the moon, and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un fired another missile into the ocean. Maybe Elon is trying to mess with our ocean tides. Maybe Kim hates whales. Whatever the case, I figured I’d better check in on my buddy Jim Bob Jenkins. While Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, Jim Bob was the last. And still is. He is the proverbial man in the moon, left behind by Apollo 17 in 1972. So, I figured this would be a good time to […]

    Ron DeSantis’ announcement speech text

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    Ron DeSantis’ announcement speech text

    Florida’s Mickey Mouse governor, Ron DeSantis, is making official what we’ve all known for months — he’s running for the GOP nomination for president. And I’ve got the copy of his official announcement speech: My fellow straight Floridians, my name is Ron DeSanctimonious and — um, dadgum, I can’t believe that stupid nickname is so catchy — I mean I’m Ron DeSantis, and I am officially announcing my candidacy for second place in the GOP nominating process. And with enough help from Ronald McDonald and Colonel Sanders, I could possibly ascend to the actual GOP nomination and become your next […]