• Month: January 2022

    The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

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    The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

    Some of you may not know that writing newspaper columns, books and blogs is not my real job. I mean, it all pays incredible money and I often roll around naked in cash like Demi Moore in “Indecent Proposal,” but I do have a real job — on the White House staff as an advisor to the president. I spend a lot of time with President Joe Biden helping him navigate the complexities of the Covid response, increasing inflation amid even-further-increasing corporate profits and handling his Twitter account. Lately, though, I’ve spent a lot of time helping him with the […]

    No one wants to get East Bound and Down anymore

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    No one wants to get East Bound and Down anymore

    The United States has been gripped by a truck driver shortage for a few years now, and it has become even more painful now that pretty much everybody now has omicron, which is my least favorite Transformer ever. This has led to clogged ports and tragedies at local grocery stores, where little old ladies are attacking managers with stale baguettes and screaming things like “How come you ain’t got no cream cheese?!” and “Thanks, Joe!” Meanwhile, adolescent kids on interstate highways are having trouble finding truck drivers who will blow the horn when they do that little arm-pull signal. Thankfully, […]

    My new nonprofit will help a group whose suffering is often overlooked

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    My new nonprofit will help a group whose suffering is often overlooked

    The past decade of my professional life has been 99 percent dedicated to nonprofit causes that help people in need, preferably with a hand-up instead of a handout. Sure, I sit down and write a little Nobel Prize for Literature contending book every now and then or spend a good 20 minutes knocking out another Pulitzer Award for Commentary contender for the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer. But, mainly, I work my tail off so that other folks’ lives might be a little better. Every now and then, though, I run across a group of folks in need that falls through the cracks […]

    This year I resolve to have important resolutions only

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    This year I resolve to have important resolutions only

    New Year’s Eve/Day used to be my favorite holiday. Granted, a few different holidays have had that distinction over the years. Of course, as a child Christmas was my favorite holiday because, you know, toys. Then someone hacked Santa’s website and put me on the naughty list, and the toys stopped coming. After the hack, some folks in India — usually named “Steve” or “Mary” — began to call and warn me that the extended warranty on my tricycle was about to expire. (I couldn’t ever verify the make and model of my tricycle because the cord on that wall […]