• Month: September 2022

    What if brand names accurately reflected the product?

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    What if brand names accurately reflected the product?

    Hello, and welcome to Reality Brands — the new superstore for all of your shopping needs. We don’t carry traditional brand names, but — even better — we carry brands that accurately reflect the items for sale. And we sell dang near everything. My name is Mr. Friendly because I work on commission. Stereo systems? Hmm, we haven’t sold one of those in a while. A lot of bass, huh? Well, we do have this system here. As you can see it has the old school turntable and CD player with 100-watt speakers. It’s the DTP-3000x from NGH, Neighbors Gonna […]

    How to wash your pickup truck

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    How to wash your pickup truck

    I just did something unusual — well, unusual for me anyway. I took my pickup truck through the car wash. This was quite the shock to everyone I know, especially my wife who is convinced that I can’t actually see dirt until it piles up to the point that folks give it a name that starts with Mount. Not only that, but I purchased the $25 wash — the most money I’ve spent on a vehicle cleaning in my entire life. Yes, I know some of you spend 10 times that at some specialty place where they crawl all around […]

    There’s no present like the time

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    There’s no present like the time

    In the past week, I’ve picked up one grandson from preschool twice, taken the other to baseball practice and cheered him on at a coach-pitch game, did a whole lot of riding on the golf cart with both of them while blasting those super-cool new songs “Purple People Eater” and “Ghostbusters,” told bedtime stories about Jack and the Beanstalk and Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby and, of course, responded to roughly 1 million requests of “Pop, be monster!” Sigh. “OK. Raaawwrrrrr!” Cue screaming and panicked running to the nearest walk-in closet. Door slam … and scene. It was a […]

    Hope you all enjoyed your latest ultra-American holiday

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    Hope you all enjoyed your latest ultra-American holiday

    Yesterday was Labor Day, capping a final summer weekend when many of us folks with cushy jobs hit the road for one last summer outing to the beach or pool or Wild Flags Over Mickey World. It’s truly an ultra-American holiday. Then again, this also is National Waffle Week, and that’s also extremely American. But Labor Day is when we celebrate the American worker, and we do it in the most American way possible — by leaving so many of them out of it. On Labor Day weekend, we fill our gas-guzzling vehicles and whine about the price of gas […]