Month: November 2023

Congress is becoming the new middle school — but less mature

Congress is becoming the new middle school — but less mature

Welcome to the November assembly of the Capitol Middle School Student Government Association. My name is Mr. Johnson, and as part of my probation, I’ve been ordered to guide you the rest of this year. It was either that or clean the orangutan area at Zoo Atlanta, so please don’t make me regret my decision. Yes, Marjorie? MARJORIE: I just wanted to … ME: Um, please stand up when addressing everyone. MARJORIE: I am! ME: Oh, OK. Proceed. MARJORIE: I have it on good authority — or as we say in my neighborhood, I seen it on them interwebs — […]

Enter the crazy old uncle; exit the nuance

Enter the crazy old uncle; exit the nuance

I’ve been asked the following questions many times, and I believe it’s time to set the record straight once and for all: Are you conservative or liberal? Are you pro-life or pro-abortion? Israel or the Palestinians? Do you support gun control or the 2nd Amendment? Frozen or on the rocks? The answers are, in order — yes, yes, yes, yes and frozen. In this age of extreme polarization, America has become a this-or-that society. There’s no room for discussion in the gray areas of complicated issues. There are really only two political parties at work … and, yes, I use […]

The brrr-fect sleeping temperature

The brrr-fect sleeping temperature

You folks in my neck of the woods may have noticed that the temperature has dipped a bit at night — temporarily, I’m sure. Granted, temperatures have dipped across much of the U.S., but when it gets down into the lower 30s in the South, even for just a night or two, folks around here basically act the way you normal folks would if they were stranded on the planet Hoth. I’m just kidding, of course. I’ve been out of the South many times, and y’all ain’t normal. I mean, sure, we’re crazy from the heat down here, but y’all […]