Complete archive - CHRIS JOHNSON

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It was probably time to turn the page anyway

March 24, 2023

For the first time in nearly 34 years, since June of 1989, I am no longer employed by a newspaper. The editors said they do not believe my column fits with the direction they want to go, so my very part-time position has been eliminated. That’s certainly their prerogative, and we are parting ways on positive terms. I wish the Ledger-Enquirer well. Newspapers are struggling amid competition from online media and Americans’ growing preference for propaganda and bubble-thinking affirmation over information. Newspapers are the torch-bearers for local journalism. The smaller the community, the more it’s true. As more newspapers fade

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Be nice to those grocery store workers!

March 23, 2023

My first real job was in 1986 at the C-Mart, an IGA grocery store in Oglethorpe, Georgia. I was paid $3.25 an hour — which seemed like a pretty decent wage when I typed that until I realized that I forgot to hold the shift key while trying to get that $ symbol, meaning that for a moment I was making a respectable 43.25. Actually, 43.25 an hour would have been more fair because to this day that’s probably the toughest job I’ve ever had. Fortunately, I was able to bridge the gap between the legal minimum wage in 1986

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Politicians’ latest game in D.C. is a pain in the ice

March 17, 2023

Sorry to interrupt your “work” as you try to keep an eye on that pivotal March Madness first-round matchup between Grand Canyon University and Sewage Ditch Community College, but that’s hardly the biggest sports story of the month. Nor did the biggest sports story come from the NFL Combine, where Southwest Mississippi guard Bubba Squashmeyer ran a 2:04.45, which would have set a new record had it been the New York City Marathon and not the 40-yard dash. Fortunately, he did set a new physical measurement mark with a 95-inch neck, breaking the record held for more than four decades

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Positives from the pandemic — three years later

March 10, 2023

Exactly when and how Covid-19 first started is a mystery, but we’re making some definitive progress on figuring it out because in America job No. 1 in any situation is to find somebody to blame. Recent analyses by various U.S. government agencies have recently concluded with a low degree of 33 percent certainty that it maybe might have possibly started when a lab assistant at the Wuhan Lab in China picked up a flying fox bat and side of fries from the Wet Market Drive-Thru on his way home from work after meeting with visiting American immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci,

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2023: The Year in Preview

December 27, 2022

It’s that time of year again when folks begin coming up to me on the street, in the grocery store, wherever I may be to ask, “Oh, great sage and foreseer of the future, when might you bless us with your annual peek into the year ahead?” To which, I’ll give my standard reply to anyone who attempts to talk to me: “Sorry, I don’t visit.” Alas, that time has come. I’ll now give you some of the key moments in 2023 while, of course, not spoiling all of the surprises. After all, wouldn’t you rather be surprised when the

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Don’t be a drag, Lil’ Snowflake

October 4, 2022

Photo: At least Milton Berle and Bob Hope had the decency to not read books. Today I’d like to talk about Lil Nas X. If it seems a little quiet here, that’s because all the racists just quit reading after the word “Lil,” and all the homophobes left after the word “Nas.” And anybody who likes decent music left after the “X.” The only reason I’m still here is because I’m getting paid big-time money to write it. And the only reason you’re still here is because your computer froze up and no matter how many times you click the

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Travel vlog and gallery: Apalachicola and Saint George Island, Florida

July 18, 2022

We just spent three nights in Apalachicola, Florida July 14-16, and here’s a sampling of what we experienced on our first trip to the “Oyster Capital of the World” and nearby Saint George Island, rated one of the top 10 beaches in the United States … for a reason. Check out the video and photo gallery from the trip and then see links at the bottom of this post. Captain Jack Frye The Bowery Inn Frost Pottery Garden

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In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

May 24, 2022

When you’re a part-time newspaper columnist like me, one of the advantages is the untold riches those 25 minutes of weekly work brings and the capacity to buy anything you want. I bought a time machine. Sure, I could go back in time and kill baby Hitler or go forward to get next week’s lottery numbers, but, again, I am already filthy rich — not rich enough to buy (or maybe not) Twitter but enough to buy (or maybe not) Parler. I’d let you borrow my time machine, but it’s a stick shift, and the air-conditioner doesn’t work. (Again, just

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TRAVELOGUE: Dear Utah, sorry for all the jokes

April 4, 2022

Visiting Ensign Peak, overlooking downtown Salt Lake City and the surrounding valley (Note: Be sure to check out the photo gallery at the end of this post. Heck, no one reads anymore, so go ahead and check it out now if you want.) I know this is going to surprise a lot of folks, but I don’t have a lot of close friends. Yes, I know a lot of folks who I would say “yes” if anyone asked if they were a friend of mine. And, thanks to having worked in the newspaper business and then with an international nonprofit,

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2022: The Year in Preview

December 8, 2021

When your year begins with an exciting live-action episode of “The Walking Dead” filmed at the U.S. Capitol with thousands of frothing-at-the-mouth, brainless zombies, you know it’s going to be an interesting year. And 2021 certainly was that. But it’s time to put all that behind us — even though lawmakers are still investigating the January 6 insurrection, former President Trump is still pretending he won the 2020 election, and CNN complains that people give Trump too much airtime while never going three minutes without using the word “Trump.” Unfortunately, 2022 is shaping up to be much, much more of

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Peter Jackson’s “Get Back” interesting, but falls short of “McCartney 3, 2, 1”

December 1, 2021

As a child of Baby Boomers, I grew up hearing a lot of music by The Beatles, a band that broke up shortly before I was born. As I grew up, I was more and more amazed by how much music The Beatles produced in such a short window of existence as a band and how anyone could just give that up after basically just a decade of work. So I’ve been eagerly awaiting “Get Back,” the three-part rock doc by Peter Jackson about The Beatles’ rapid, chaotic production of their final album, and the work leading up to their

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TRAVELOGUE: Chillin’ with manatees in Wakulla Springs, Florida

February 6, 2021

When we get a three-day weekend, my wife and I like to get away — a little bit away, that is. We don’t want to spend half the weekend driving, but we want to get far enough away to feel like a real getaway. As much as we like staying home, you’ve got to have a little balance. While pondering what to do for the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend last month, we wanted to experience something different. Georgia’s Golden Isles are our regular go-to destination, but we had just been there around the Veterans Day holiday in November.

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2021: The Year in Preview

December 23, 2020

I’ve been doing my Year in Preview for a long time. Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean. Higher than any bird ever flew. Wait. Sorry. I’ve got some song stuck in my head. Damn you, Dan Fogelberg! That was the problem with 2020. I got COVID, and brain fog is one of the after-effects. Worse than that, I didn’t see it coming in my 2020 Year in Preview, the first one I’ve ever gotten even 1 percent wrong. That means that I’ve got to get my 2021 predictions absolutely perfect this time. I’ve got to improve my average

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Happy birthday, Mr. Jimmy!

October 1, 2020

If you’re so blinded by partisanship and years of propaganda that you can’t see a totally apolitical mention of former President Jimmy Carter without some sort of knee-jerk negative comment about his presidential term (even guised in an otherwise positive comment such as “I didn’t like him as president, but he is a decent man.”), you probably should move on. This ain’t about politics, and there ain’t nothing here for anyone to argue about. This is about a man dedicated to making the world a better place. It’s also about a man who is pretty down-to-earth, literally as a farmer,

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My 50 favorite Jimmy Buffett songs not named “Margaritaville” … in no particular order

June 20, 2020

Today is my 50th birthday. I’m writing this in advance, though, so just in case I died before this automatically posted, well, today would have been my 50th birthday. But let’s assume I’m still here. It just makes me feel better. Because it’s my 50th birthday, you can bet I’m at the beach. It won’t be a crowded beach, and I’ll be socially distancing just as I have my previous 49 years of going to the beach. There are margaritas flowing, something on the grill, and tropical music — especially a lot of tunes from Jimmy Buffett, who has provided

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2020: The Year in Preview

December 19, 2019

When most folks make predictions, they are merely guessing. But when I make predictions — especially about something as important and as annual as my Year in Preview — know that I am not merely guessing. Puh-leeze! I’m no amateur here. I’m guessing and throwing two tennis balls against a wall, each ball with a prediction about a topic of major importance. Then I send ol’ Blue here, a hound dog with the ability to foretell the future, to chase the balls. Whichever one he pees on is the prediction I announce. By the time I get around to predicting

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Lost shaker of salt might be in Scotland

November 3, 2019

When my son first left for Scotland just before the fall of 2018 to follow his dream of studying at the University of Stirling, I just knew he’d be terribly homesick for everything about America, including his family. He was … for about 27 seconds. He’s fallen in love with the place. The Scots have stolen my son. He’s happy, though, and getting a good education, and that’s all I really care about. It’s not my life to live. But I’m glad to see that he hasn’t completely forgotten dear old dad. I know because he texted me yesterday morning

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TRAVELOGUE: Memphis, Elvis, BBQ and the birth of rock ‘n’ roll

September 24, 2018

About 10 days ago, I set out for a place I’d never been — Memphis, Tennessee — with a couple of women who are big fans of some guy named Elvis Presley, who is some sort of music or movie star, or a gas station attendant, depending on what magazine covers you like to peruse in the supermarket checkout aisle. My Mom and my wife Shellie are both Elvis fans, so this trip was for them — especially my Mom who recently had a milestone birthday. My Mom is such a huge Elvis fan that my son hated to break

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No Margaritaville in North Korea

August 10, 2017

I wasn’t exactly a world traveler when I joined The Fuller Center for Housing in June of 2011 — unless you count that one night in Windsor, Canada, when I nearly missed the last bus of the night back into Detroit. The bus went through a tunnel under the Detroit River, which I found a wee bit disturbing. But one of my first tasks with The Fuller Center was to get myself a passport. The Fuller Center works all around the world — in faraway places like Nepal, Thailand, Papua New Guinea, Sri Lanka, India and a few African countries

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An apolitical look at a hot-button political issue — illegal immigration

January 26, 2017

Whether you chant “Build the wall!,” support sanctuary cities or lie anywhere in between on the issue of illegal immigration, you have to know that there’s no simple fix or magic bullet that solves most problems, especially one this complicated. But no matter where you stand on this issue, here’s something we likely can all agree on: If folks are perfectly happy at home — wherever that may be — they probably will not want to leave. They certainly wouldn’t want to embark upon a treacherous journey full of unknowns to sneak into the United States if their home is safe

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Twenty-five years ago, the ink got in my veins for real in Valdosta

July 15, 2016

It’s hard to believe, but 25 years ago this month I became a full-time newspaperman, taking an entry-level sportswriting job down in Valdosta, Georgia — the high school football mecca just above the Florida state line. Granted, I’d had part-time newspaper gigs for a couple of years before that as a sportswriter in Americus and Montezuma, but Valdosta was the first real job. It was owned by a company called Thomson Newspapers back then, which had a reputation for being cheap and paying terribly — which I found to be completely, 100 percent true. But those couple of years in Valdosta were

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Prince: Another legend I’m glad I witnessed

April 26, 2016

My parents saw him as the purple pervert. Critics lauded him as a groundbreaking genius. His peers either loved him or were insanely jealous (Rick James). But I just loved the music. I finally got to see Prince live in Atlanta about 10 years ago, and it remains the best concert I’ve ever seen. I figured a legend like that could kinda mail it in, but he went above and beyond with a show that lasted more than two hours. And when the entire band disappeared into the stage for intermission, Prince re-emerged by himself with an acoustic guitar and performed

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Remembering Merle Haggard and the Silver Moon

April 6, 2016

I’m not a fan of today’s country music — or today’s pop, rap, rock or R&B, for that matter — but I love some old-school country. So I was among the many sad to hear of the passing of the legendary Merle Haggard today on his 79th birthday. I saw Merle Haggard and the Strangers perform live 22 years ago at the perfect venue for such a show — the massive Silver Moon, a huge honky-tonk a few miles south of Buena Vista, Georgia. It truly was the middle of nowhere, but it hosted some big country music acts during

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Happy 75th birthday, Linda Fuller: There’s an important note about women here

February 17, 2016

Linda Fuller might very well be one of the most important women leaders of the last 50 years. If you haven’t heard of her, that’s probably got a lot to do with the fact that she doesn’t seek attention for herself — only for issues about which she cares deeply. One of those issues is simple, decent, affordable housing. You probably have heard of Habitat for Humanity and you should hear about The Fuller Center for Housing. But you wouldn’t have heard of either if it were not for Linda Fuller. They wouldn’t exist. And hundreds of thousands of families

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Cute kids in Las Peñitas, Nicaragua

January 13, 2016

I’ve had the opportunity to work in the quaint Nicaraguan fishing village of Las Peñitas on two different weeklong trips. I’ve never been anywhere else that the kids are so poor, yet so happy. They’re happier than our kids here in the United States who have so much more. I was in Nicaragua last month, and you can see more photos I took during that trip here.

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