Chris Johnson

Are there really only two kinds of people?

Are there really only two kinds of people?

Don’t you just hate it when folks speak in absolute terms? I know I always hate it and will never understand. Folks like to say things such as “It always rains when I plan to do something outside.” Really? Always? I know better than that because clouds always dodge my yard when it needs water, and my grass never gets enough rain. Another absolutism that always gets me is how folks like to make a point starting with, “There are two kinds of people …” I’m fairly certain there are more than two kinds of people. Heck, I can think […]

Desperately needed words of wisdom, Southern-style

Desperately needed words of wisdom, Southern-style

Ever since humans began speaking a couple million years ago — a time anthropologists officially refer to as way back when — man has been sharing words of wisdom, maxims, proverbs, adages, axioms and … Dang it! This online thesaurus site done crashed on me again! Anyway, what I was trying to imply, suggest, intimate, and connote is that ever since the first words of wisdom were spoken by that legendary caveman, uh, make that caveperson Ugh Bugga Jr. — “fire hot” — maxims just keep coming until there are so many that we begin to forget some very valuable […]

When life hands you lemons, ask for limes and mix a serenity potion

When life hands you lemons, ask for limes and mix a serenity potion

If you own a television, a smart phone, a computer, an iPad or have a relationship with anyone named Alexa or Siri, you may have noticed that the world is pretty much going to hell. I mean that in a figurative way, of course, as the world can longer afford to go to hell, what with gas prices and all. You can’t literally go to hell, although it has literally been hot as hell all summer — though hell is more of a dry heat. We’ve got wildfires in California and Greece, hurricanes that blow up overnight and have a […]

Our robot love is getting a little out of hand

Our robot love is getting a little out of hand

The world of entertainment has offered a plethora of promises when it comes to robots. “Star Wars” has probably offered us the most robots — or droids — and made names like R2D2 and C3P0 as familiar as Steve and John. Television kind of got the robot rolling with a robot on “Lost in Space” named — wait for it — Robot. It wasn’t the best show to come out of the 1960s (That would be “The Andy Griffith Show.”), but it did introduce us to some futuristic visions and launched the all-important concept of folks exploring outer space in […]

Palm trees or pumpkins? Margaritas or spiced lattes? Roll with the flow

Palm trees or pumpkins? Margaritas or spiced lattes? Roll with the flow

Fall is in the air. Ah, yes. Can you smell it? Granted, I can’t smell things quite as well as I did before catching Covid last year. For instance, one the greatest aromas in the world is that of coffee brewing. At least I assume it still is. To me, it now smells a little like cat poop. But I’ve gotta have caffeine in the morning, so I’ll take my brewed cat poop with two Splendas, please. I understand that it’s not officially fall according to the calendar, but the whole calendar system is outdated. They say fall doesn’t officially […]

A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

(Photo: Looking for a shot that makes you feel like this? I, and a friend of yours from Florida have great news!) If you broke down my friends list on Facebook, half of the folks are left of center, half are right of center, and the other third I’m not sure about. Now, all the folks on the left aren’t the same, nor are all the folks on the right. But a few things are consistent about each group. For instance, I’m fairly certain that every single unvaccinated friend I have is on the right, and vice-versa. And I’m pretty […]

Unvaccinated? Please stop reading immediately

Unvaccinated? Please stop reading immediately

If you have not been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 — and I mean with Moderna or Pfizer, not by Sister GiGi and her live chicken — I must ask you to stop reading now. This is a pro-science space today. Go out and about, spread the pandemic, unknowingly kill a few folks, and continue to stage the kind of environment that will allow the virus to further mutate, perhaps to a point where it might evade our vaccines and punish those who are doing the right thing. Remember, we can’t keep this pandemic going without you. Now, stop reading and […]

Dog days of summer call for water

Dog days of summer call for water

Not sure if any of you folks around here noticed, but last week was the hottest week of the year in these here parts. I mean, it wasn’t Canada hot where it has topped 115 degrees already this year or Arctic Circle in Siberia hot — also 115-plus degrees already this year — but it hit the upper 90s with 567 percent humidity. It wasn’t exactly a dry heat. As a kid, I learned there’s really only way to cope with hot summer days — water. In my hometown of Oglethorpe, Ga., we spent a lot of summer days playing […]