Chris Johnson

Just a few more weary days and then …

Just a few more weary days and then …

When I was a kid, “The Jetsons” filled me with false hopes. I thought we’d all be working three-hour workweeks by now. I thought robots would do all the housework with only a slight bit of attitude. And I thought Judy Jetson would eventually be older than 15. (Oh, save your outrage — she was older than I was when I watched reruns of “The Jetsons” on my 13-inch black-and-white TV. She didn’t respond to any of my fan mail, anyway.) Granted, there are many visions of the future that did come to pass in some form or another — […]

Another case of selective non-outrage

Another case of selective non-outrage

In the grand scheme of things, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce’s latest sideline meltdown is not a big deal. But in addition to behaving like an entitled 4-year-old hyped-up on Fun Dip and Pixy Stix whose parents won’t let him buy a Nerf gun at Wal-Mart, he did push Coach Andy Reid, who was able to stay upright thanks to the fact that he is a human Weeble Wobble.  The right thing to do would be for Kelce to issue a sincere apology instead of laughing it off, for the Chiefs to fine him and set a standard […]

Breakdancing ain’t no substitute for football

Breakdancing ain’t no substitute for football

As long as I can remember — which is usually about as far back as yesterday’s lunch — I’ve suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Granted, it’s probably way down the list of my disorders, but it’s about to kick in big time. Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD or as the winter blahs, is primarily caused by reduced hours of sunlight which was mandated by Obama-era officials trying to curb global warming. Fortunately, Donald Trump says that if he is elected, he will pass a note to his jail guard demanding that Congress pass a law creating 23 hours […]

Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

We have an immigration problem. We have a border problem. We’ve had these issues for many years. Fixing it may be like the quest to foment peace in the Middle East — never gonna happen. It is a problem. Fortunately, a few GOP folks worked with a few Democrats to craft some legislation that at least kinda sorta tries to address the problem. But they forgot that’s not how D.C. works anymore (and I use the term “works” loosely). The intent no longer is to address problems but instead to leverage them by assigning blame to the other side in […]

Your Taylor Swift opinion speaks volumes … about you

Your Taylor Swift opinion speaks volumes … about you

I wonder how many men who are triggered by the lady on the left cheering at NFL games have also railed against women like the one cheering on the right. Many of these men claim that Taylor Swift is seeking out and relishing the attention even as she sits in stadium sky boxes and clearly loathes having TV cameras constantly following her around as she cheers for her boyfriend. I’m pretty sure the scantily clad lady on the right relishes the attention far more out there on the field and sidelines. Today, there are thousands upon thousands of girls watching […]

Too much cussin’ ruffles feathers

Too much cussin’ ruffles feathers

I recently shared on my official Facebook page a blog post I penned about how ridiculous it was that Iowa and New Hampshire have so much power in determining our presidential candidates. Our primary process is stupid and unfair, and that goes for both Democrats and Republicans. Of course, comments spiraled into the typical “all Republicans are evil morons” and “all Democrats are crazy libtards” kind of useless comments in which they each try to own each other with simplistic insults — none of which had anything to do with the point of the post, which I suspect very few […]

Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

I’m sure Iowa is a lovely state when it’s not covered by two feet of snow, when it’s above 0 degrees, or when murderous children named Malachi and Isaac aren’t roaming its corn fields. (But, wait, Chris, wasn’t “Children of the Corn” set in Nebraska? That’s a dumb question because it doesn’t matter. Nebraska and Iowa are both the same giant cornfield, so it doesn’t make a difference.) It also doesn’t make a difference whom you prefer during presidential primary season unless you live in Iowa or some theoretical state called New Hampshire where Census records show that no one […]

Big money sacks college football forever

Big money sacks college football forever

Do I believe that collegiate athletes have the right to make money off their own name, image and likeness? Absolutely. Do I believe that collegiate athletes should have the right to switch from one school to another the way other students and coaches have been able to do through the years? Absolutely. Do I believe that all that money and all these transfers are going to ruin college football as we’ve known it? Abso-freakin-lutely. Oh well. It is what it is. Gone are the days where players gave a school their all for the love of the game, for the […]