• Chris Johnson

    Are they scared of drag queens, books or both?

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    Are they scared of drag queens, books or both?

    When I got married on Key West’s Smather’s Beach back in 2012, the honeymoon opportunities were pretty endless. My preferred outing was a snorkeling excursion in which a catamaran dropped us off over a stunning coral reef. It was also the first time my wife tried to strangle me as she climbed upon my back with her arms around my neck when a 5-foot reef shark swam right in front of us. The first time your wife tries to kill you is always the most memorable, especially when it’s in such a beautiful tropical location.  Later, my wife got to […]

    It was probably time to turn the page anyway

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    It was probably time to turn the page anyway

    For the first time in nearly 34 years, since June of 1989, I am no longer employed by a newspaper. The editors said they do not believe my column fits with the direction they want to go, so my very part-time position has been eliminated. That’s certainly their prerogative, and we are parting ways on positive terms. I wish the Ledger-Enquirer well. Newspapers are struggling amid competition from online media and Americans’ growing preference for propaganda and bubble-thinking affirmation over information. Newspapers are the torch-bearers for local journalism. The smaller the community, the more it’s true. As more newspapers fade […]

    Be nice to those grocery store workers!

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    Be nice to those grocery store workers!

    My first real job was in 1986 at the C-Mart, an IGA grocery store in Oglethorpe, Georgia. I was paid $3.25 an hour — which seemed like a pretty decent wage when I typed that until I realized that I forgot to hold the shift key while trying to get that $ symbol, meaning that for a moment I was making a respectable 43.25. Actually, 43.25 an hour would have been more fair because to this day that’s probably the toughest job I’ve ever had. Fortunately, I was able to bridge the gap between the legal minimum wage in 1986 […]

    Politicians’ latest game in D.C. is a pain in the ice

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    Politicians’ latest game in D.C. is a pain in the ice

    Sorry to interrupt your “work” as you try to keep an eye on that pivotal March Madness first-round matchup between Grand Canyon University and Sewage Ditch Community College, but that’s hardly the biggest sports story of the month.  Nor did the biggest sports story come from the NFL Combine, where Southwest Mississippi guard Bubba Squashmeyer ran a 2:04.45, which would have set a new record had it been the New York City Marathon and not the 40-yard dash. Fortunately, he did set a new physical measurement mark with a 95-inch neck, breaking the record held for more than four decades […]

    Positives from the pandemic — three years later

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    Positives from the pandemic — three years later

    Exactly when and how Covid-19 first started is a mystery, but we’re making some definitive progress on figuring it out because in America job No. 1 in any situation is to find somebody to blame. Recent analyses by various U.S. government agencies have recently concluded with a low degree of 33 percent certainty that it maybe might have possibly started when a lab assistant at the Wuhan Lab in China picked up a flying fox bat and side of fries from the Wet Market Drive-Thru on his way home from work after meeting with visiting American immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci, […]

    2023: The Year in Preview

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    2023: The Year in Preview

    It’s that time of year again when folks begin coming up to me on the street, in the grocery store, wherever I may be to ask, “Oh, great sage and foreseer of the future, when might you bless us with your annual peek into the year ahead?” To which, I’ll give my standard reply to anyone who attempts to talk to me: “Sorry, I don’t visit.” Alas, that time has come. I’ll now give you some of the key moments in 2023 while, of course, not spoiling all of the surprises. After all, wouldn’t you rather be surprised when the […]

    Don’t be a drag, Lil’ Snowflake

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    Don’t be a drag, Lil’ Snowflake

    Photo: At least Milton Berle and Bob Hope had the decency to not read books. Today I’d like to talk about Lil Nas X. If it seems a little quiet here, that’s because all the racists just quit reading after the word “Lil,” and all the homophobes left after the word “Nas.” And anybody who likes decent music left after the “X.” The only reason I’m still here is because I’m getting paid big-time money to write it. And the only reason you’re still here is because your computer froze up and no matter how many times you click the […]

    Travel vlog and gallery: Apalachicola and Saint George Island, Florida

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    Travel vlog and gallery: Apalachicola and Saint George Island, Florida

    We just spent three nights in Apalachicola, Florida July 14-16, and here’s a sampling of what we experienced on our first trip to the “Oyster Capital of the World” and nearby Saint George Island, rated one of the top 10 beaches in the United States … for a reason. Check out the video and photo gallery from the trip and then see links at the bottom of this post.   Captain Jack Frye The Bowery Inn Frost Pottery Garden

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