Chris Johnson

Caution: Old man rant about today’s music ahead

Caution: Old man rant about today’s music ahead

(Photo: The corner of my writing room — no guitar smashing allowed.) When I browse Sirius XM satellite radio, I keep finding myself on channels like 70 on 7, 80s on 8, The Beatles Channel, Classic Rewind, Willie’s Roadhouse, Soul Town and similar stations that play music from when I was younger — a vague period of about half a century — and the music before I was even me. Sometimes I chill out with some jazz, listen to sports talk, catch a little bit of what passes for national broadcast news these days — or say the heck with […]

Clearly, bling ain’t my thing

Clearly, bling ain’t my thing

A few months ago, I began to have a little trouble with my ring finger. Fortunately, I don’t use that finger a lot, so it wasn’t too much of a hindrance to my daily activities. It’s not like it’s a thumb, which is an extremely important digit because it allows me to decline calls on my phone, play “Donkey Kong” on my Atari 2600 and rate movies I see. Most of the time, my thumb points downward. I’m picky. The index finger also is important because it allows me to point at crazy people, which means my index finger is […]

TRAVELOGUE: Chillin’ with manatees in Wakulla Springs, Florida

TRAVELOGUE: Chillin’ with manatees in Wakulla Springs, Florida

When we get a three-day weekend, my wife and I like to get away — a little bit away, that is. We don’t want to spend half the weekend driving, but we want to get far enough away to feel like a real getaway. As much as we like staying home, you’ve got to have a little balance. While pondering what to do for the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend last month, we wanted to experience something different. Georgia’s Golden Isles are our regular go-to destination, but we had just been there around the Veterans Day holiday in November. […]

If you’re gonna hunt, go Big — as in Foot

If you’re gonna hunt, go Big — as in Foot

Many folks where I grew up are passionate about hunting. It just never quite took hold with me. I grew up doing some hunting and a good bit of fishing, and I did an awful lot of shooting. All of my shooting was in self-defense, of course, as I was attacked by a lot of bottles, cans and road signs out in the country. You city folks don’t know how dangerous little road signs are because you’re so used to those docile giant signs along the interstate. By the time I was 13, I was mostly done with hunting. I […]

Don’t believe the balls!

Don’t believe the balls!

I’ve been censored by my preferred social media platform, Tweetifried, because I tell the truth to my wonderful followers, so I must now use this space usually reserved for my weekly newspaper column of totally true stuff that a lot of people are saying is pure genius to instead share my views and important news right here as a Tweetifrication of its own. I played the Powerball last week and supposedly did not get a single number right. That is scientifically impossible and FAKE NEWS! The numbers put out by the enemies of the state in the lamestream media are […]

Staying home doesn’t fly for everyone, but it definitely does for me

Staying home doesn’t fly for everyone, but it definitely does for me

Random thoughts are liable to pop into my mind at any moment — when I’m watching a football game, when I’m driving, or when I’m supposed to be doing something important while driving, such as yielding. “Oops! Sorry. Was thinking about squirrels.” “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU’VE THREATENED MY FREEDOM TO USE THE RIGHT LANE!” “Well, again, my apologies. At least we didn’t have an accident. May blessings be upon you.” “MY TIRE TOOL’S GONNA BE UPON YOU!” “Before you do that, can I borrow your hat with the horns on it? I left my viking helmet at home.” […]

Images a dad can’t forget

Images a dad can’t forget

When our country is attacked, it’s hard to find words with the capacity to rationalize, comfort or heal. It’s difficult to speak when you’ve been punched in the gut. On Sept. 11, 2001, I was awakened by a call from the newsroom, telling me I needed to come to work immediately. I had the day off because I had my wisdom teeth cut out on Sept. 10 and then spent hours in the emergency room after fainting at dinner. I’d been looking forward to a leisurely Sept. 11. Unfortunately, any day that the first words out of your mouth are […]

Don’t stand between a guy and his grill

Don’t stand between a guy and his grill

Growing up in a small town, going to “the hardware store” meant traveling a couple of miles across the Flint River from little ol’ Oglethorpe, Ga., into the metropolis of Montezuma, Ga., population 5,000 or so back then. It might have cost a little more, but we knew the names of all the folks behind the counter. They knew what we were doing and exactly what materials we needed. Heck, they knew our pets’ names and whether we’d gone to church the previous Sunday. Times have changed, and I’m guilty like most city folks of instinctively going to the big […]