kudzukid

TRAVELOGUE: Memphis, Elvis, BBQ and the birth of rock ‘n’ roll

TRAVELOGUE: Memphis, Elvis, BBQ and the birth of rock ‘n’ roll

About 10 days ago, I set out for a place I’d never been — Memphis, Tennessee — with a couple of women who are big fans of some guy named Elvis Presley, who is some sort of music or movie star, or a gas station attendant, depending on what magazine covers you like to peruse in the supermarket checkout aisle. My Mom and my wife Shellie are both Elvis fans, so this trip was for them — especially my Mom […]

Feel free to ban me from your funeral

Feel free to ban me from your funeral

When it comes to funerals, I’d rather be golfing. No, that’s not a quote from President Trump, who got a few holes in while a lot of Americans were mourning both Sen. John McCain and Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin last week. That quote is from me. I really don’t enjoy funerals. Then again, my golf game is a mournful sort of event — especially for people who want to see eagles, birdies and pars instead of various multiples of […]

Larry David and I agree on a few things — especially small talk

Larry David and I agree on a few things — especially small talk

One of my former bosses at the Ledger-Enquirer — whom I, with fond affection, called “Pork Chop” — kept trying to get me to watch some HBO show called “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” At the time, I didn’t even have HBO and barely watched any TV that wasn’t sports or news.  (Yes, kids, there was a time when there were news channels that told you what was happening in the world instead of offering perpetual punditry.) I declined, but Pork Chop […]

Y’all should never call

Y’all should never call

I’m not a huge fan of being around humans. I’ve probably mentioned it before. I mean, as a mammal, they are highly overrated. In fact, I just spent this past Saturday on Georgia’s largest barrier island, Cumberland Island, which allows only about 250 or so folks on it a day — or as I like to call it when I’m there, about 248 too many. I don’t like small talk. I don’t want to talk about the weather. I don’t […]

The eyes have it — and whatever it is needs fixing

The eyes have it — and whatever it is needs fixing

My wife and I passed an optometrist’s office yesterday, and she used the opportunity to suggest I might need to consider updating my prescription — which I’ve had roughly since Benjamin Franklin invented bifocals while trying to read what he wrote in Poor Richard’s Almanack during a thunderstorm. “We need to go by there and get you some new glasses and contacts,” she suggested. “I can’t see that happening,” I argued. “You can’t see anything — that’s why you need […]

It’s so easy to confuse Mitt Romney with Dr. John

It’s so easy to confuse Mitt Romney with Dr. John

There is a major problem in the United States that no one addresses. As a pseudo-journalist whose name has yet to appear on President Trump’s enemies list, it falls upon to me to address this very serious issue. I know I’m not on the list because former FBI Director James Comey did not bring it up during his appearance on “The View.” (Or was I was watching Lurch on “The Addams Family?”) Anyway, this major problem is from the world […]

I doubt Harry and Meghan need a toaster

I doubt Harry and Meghan need a toaster

When I was in junior high school, Prince Charles married Diana Spencer, and every girl at my school was swooning over the whole marrying-a-prince fantasy. Every boy at my school only cared about not being last to the monkey bars at recess and therefore being “it” first in a 10-minute game of tag. Not only did I not care about that wedding or any wedding at that age, but I couldn’t figure out why any country still had royalty or […]

Again, I say, the kids are all right

Again, I say, the kids are all right

Some folks would like you to think that teenagers today just sit around chewing on their Tide Pods while playing Grand Halo Death Dragon War 5 on the Xbox that they stole after Amazon delivered it to the neighbors’ doorstep across the street. And, sure, that’s mostly what teens do. But there is a segment of young folks out there — which I’m starting to believe is a vast majority — that wants to make the world a better place […]