Chris Johnson

2021: The Year in Preview

2021: The Year in Preview

I’ve been doing my Year in Preview for a long time. Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean. Higher than any bird ever flew. Wait. Sorry. I’ve got some song stuck in my head. Damn you, Dan Fogelberg! That was the problem with 2020. I got COVID, and brain fog is one of the after-effects. Worse than that, I didn’t see it coming in my 2020 Year in Preview, the first one I’ve ever gotten even 1 percent wrong. That means that I’ve got to get my 2021 predictions absolutely perfect this time. I’ve got to improve my average […]

Forty-nine Christmases … and one unusual 50th one

Forty-nine Christmases … and one unusual 50th one

This year will be my 50th Christmas. I’m now at a point in my life where Christmas is very different, and not just because it’s the first one taking place during a pandemic when we have new traditions like wearing a festive mask or, for those who refuse to wear a mask or take reasonable precautions, picking out which grandparent you’re willing to do without next Christmas. “Don’t worry, Granny. The virus only kills old people.” “Well, I ain’t no spring chicken!” “Hush, and open your gift.” “Aww, just what I’ve always wanted — a do-it-yourself will kit.” “Oh, and […]

I’m ready for the COVID vaccine, microchip and all

I’m ready for the COVID vaccine, microchip and all

It looks like a COVID vaccine is finally on the way. Granted, there are millions of Americans who vow not to take it, nor allow their kids to take it. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that those are the same people who also don’t believe that the coronavirus is actually killing people, that climate change is real or that Donald Trump lost the election. (Yes, I know the election was “rigged” … against one guy. Overall, the GOP had an outstanding election nationwide except for that one little race upon which the Democrats and […]

Do I need a tin foil hat for the invasion?

Do I need a tin foil hat for the invasion?

My wife is very upset with me. No, that’s not really unusual. But this time it’s not because I left my shoes (OK, flip-flops) in the living room or because I didn’t make the bed nor attempt to reassemble its 37 pillows in proper order. This time its because when she brings up the metal monoliths that have been showing up in Utah, Romania, California, the Netherlands and the Isle of Wright off the coast of England and I can only imagine where else by the time I finish typing this post, I don’t respond with the same sense of […]

What’s on the radio over yonder way in the galaxy?

What’s on the radio over yonder way in the galaxy?

While most Americans were bogged down in all the drama of Election Day and its sequels — The Election Day Strikes Back and Return of the Election Day — NASA was trying to direct our attention to some developments of astronomical scale, literally.  It all started just before Halloween when NASA announced that SOFIA had confirmed there is water on the moon. I’m not sure whether the SOFIA is Vergara or Coppola, but kudos to the lady for finding it. Oh, wait. Turns out that SOFIA is an acronym for NASA’s Stratospheric Observatory for Infrared Astronomy. I guess that’s better […]

Sweating the idea of being stuck with naked catfish

Sweating the idea of being stuck with naked catfish

I’ve written before about lingering effects after having had Covid-19, something I tested positive for and supposedly survived back in August. Yet, certain symptoms don’t go away and some new ones surface.The main problem is shortness of breath, but I’ve also got weird nerve pains, a diminished sense of smell and, now, sweat. I’ve always been hot-natured, so a little sweat is nothing new. That’s why I’ve always been the guy to stretch the limits of the office (and school) dress code to wear shorts or something close to them as long as possible. The assistant principal at my high […]

Don’t lock yourself in the Parler

Don’t lock yourself in the Parler

(Photo: Me outside the Parler world headquarters, a gift shop on Saint Simons Island. OK, maybe this isn’t the Parler headquarters, but I bet the proprietor loves Parler almost as much as he hates liberals.) Like a lot of my conservative friends, I now have an account on Parler — the conservative, wild west social media alternative to Facebook and Twitter, where facts are never checked, conspiracy theories are welcome and their version of a “retweet” is called an “echo,” which is fitting because it is definitely an echo chamber. Of course, you’re going to be mighty bored following my […]

Are flip-flops appropriate civil war attire?

Are flip-flops appropriate civil war attire?

As Americans squabbled in the weeks ahead of the election, I occasionally cracked some joke about how the election was going to be Nov. 3 — clearly an oversimplification on my part — and the civil war would begin on Nov. 4, the same day the virus was supposed to go away. Maybe the virus will go away when they finally certify all of the results.  But with so many states decided — or kinda decided — by tiny percentages of votes and a president firing up his base with allegations that he got robbed because of counting, the prospect […]