Chris Johnson

Streaming soon: The Amazing 60-year-old Spider-Man

Streaming soon: The Amazing 60-year-old Spider-Man

I learned to read at an early age. In fact, my kindergarten teacher made me read to the class at storytime so they could see that anyone could learn to read. It was a real honor, and I went home with a lot of badges of honor called black eyes. Despite that early start — or maybe even because of it — I was not a big fan of reading and books as a kid. Why spend all that energy turning pages when a television could beam stories directly into my head like a conspiracy theorist watching OAN today? Then […]

Grease may be the word, but the music ain’t working for me

Grease may be the word, but the music ain’t working for me

For all of my love of things you can find only at restaurants and not at my house — such as things that drip with grease (mmm), things that have the word “double” or “triple” in them and things cooked in gobs of perfectly natural ingredients like salt, lard or salty lard — I actually don’t find my way to restaurants very often. That may surprise you because I like to fuss about restaurant experiences and because despite all my eating at home and going to the gym, my body looks less like Conan the Barbarian and more like Grimace, […]

An unexpected hiccup in my return to the gym

An unexpected hiccup in my return to the gym

When you get to be my age, you’ve got to make some choices about your health. You could say something like, “Hey, 52 years is a good run, so I think I’m going to drink a few margaritas, eat some double-chili-cheeseburgers and then watch five straight games from this here recliner. Might squeeze in a nap, too. I’m done with exercising … forever.” To which your supportive wife might respond, “Chris Johnson, that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, and, believe me, that’s one loooong list of dumb stuff that has come out of your mouth.” My wife is […]

Still rockin’ on Florida’s Gulf Coast after all these years

Still rockin’ on Florida’s Gulf Coast after all these years

(Photo: Catching waves at Saint George Island, CJ-style) A little more than 34 years ago, I went down to Panama City Beach for my senior trip with my also-graduating cousin and a few friends with all intentions of being wild, loud and obnoxious. Wait … hang on a second. That can’t be right. Can’t be 34 years. That’s like multiple decades. Let me see. You got 2022 minus the, um, carry the one, multiply the fractional exponent. OK, maybe I am that old. I’m certainly too old to do math. Anyway, it was our senior trip. It appears that we […]

Let’s reconsider a few poorly used words and terms

Let’s reconsider a few poorly used words and terms

Mark Twain once said the difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. That’s kinda true. Of course, it’s not the only difference. No one ever ran out to catch a lightning bolt in an old Mason jar with holes in the top. Well, except maybe Ben Franklin. He drank a lot and had some weird fascination with electricity. In fact, I doubt Mark Twain ever said that — he wrote that. Today’s lesson is about choosing the right word, for there is a huge difference between saying something and […]

Travel vlog and gallery: Apalachicola and Saint George Island, Florida

Travel vlog and gallery: Apalachicola and Saint George Island, Florida

We just spent three nights in Apalachicola, Florida July 14-16, and here’s a sampling of what we experienced on our first trip to the “Oyster Capital of the World” and nearby Saint George Island, rated one of the top 10 beaches in the United States … for a reason. Check out the video and photo gallery from the trip and then see links at the bottom of this post.   Captain Jack Frye The Bowery Inn Frost Pottery Garden

Can you picture Elvis blowin’ out a flip-flop and steppin’ on a pop top?

Can you picture Elvis blowin’ out a flip-flop and steppin’ on a pop top?

More than once I’ve been told, “Enough with the Jimmy Buffett mess! You’re a Parrothead! We get it! Don’t you have a hobby or something you can write about?!” Nah, not really. Today’s article is about Jimmy Buffett. Well, actually it’s about Elvis. Well, specifically it’s about Jimmy Buffett and Elvis — two folks I rarely think about simultaneously. Elvis has gotten a lot of attention lately because of a new movie that has gotten rave reviews. My wife and mom are both huge Elvis fans, which means I’ll see it eventually. Hopefully I won’t have to watch it in […]

I’m that smelly cat Phoebe was singing about

I’m that smelly cat Phoebe was singing about

So, I was in Wally World on my lunch break and … I can see in your eyes that you’re thinking, “Oh this is gonna go well.” It’s like when a story begins, “So, this one time, me and Bubba’d been drinkin’ all night and then …” “Lemme guess, Chris: Then you went to Wal-Mart?” However, this story is completely different because I hadn’t been drinking, I haven’t even seen Bubba since his picture ran with the story about the beef jerky heist ran in the paper, and, again, I was on my lunch break. I barely even had time […]