Category: Newspaper columns

I can’t make the bed — I’m a genius!

I can’t make the bed — I’m a genius!

(Photo: The desk in my home office as seen in its neatest, most organized state.) I think it’s pretty hard to have a successful marriage if you don’t have a few things in common. For instance, my wife and I have similar taste in TV, politics and music. Granted, our tastes aren’t exactly the same. I’m sure she thinks she’s heard enough of Jimmy Buffett — wrong! — and I think 30 John Mayer songs a day is more than adequate. Yet, she has sat through two Buffett concerts, while I’ve seen three John Mayer concerts. Having connected with Mayer […]

I’m not to the point of looking for my name in the obits, but …

I’m not to the point of looking for my name in the obits, but …

Comedians such as George Burns and Carl Reiner, along with plenty of well-known older folks before and after them, as well as lesser-known older folks, have quipped something to the extent of “Each morning I read the obituaries in the newspaper, and if I’m not in there I get up and make breakfast.” Lesser-known folks to use that line would include my late grandma, who said it often. I’m a little disappointed now to know she was stealing that saying without giving proper credit, but then again I knew somebody who went to church every Sunday, crocheted doilies and made […]

What is the point of these ridiculous debates?

What is the point of these ridiculous debates?

As it stands now, the next presidential debate this coming Thursday is not going to happen after President Trump said he wasn’t interested in a virtual debate. Of course, by the time what I’m writing goes into print, that stance may have changed six or seven times — by Tweet, I imagine. Meanwhile, the Commission on Presidential Debates won’t allow a “solo debate” with just Joe Biden. I’m not exactly sure what a solo debate would entail, but then again solo synchronized swimming was once an Olympic event. Just as well, I guess, because Biden would likely lose his temper […]

Hate masks? Well, here a few benefits to wearing one that you may not have thought about

Hate masks? Well, here a few benefits to wearing one that you may not have thought about

It’s been about two months since I contracted COVID. I’ve been pretty darn safe through this whole pandemic mess, but I was just two degrees of separation from a science-denier who didn’t take this very seriously. Now, I’ve never been in the top 1 percent of my class, the top 1 percent of income earners or the top 1 percent of guys in People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” edition, so I’m thankful that I also wasn’t in the less desirable 1 percent — the 1 percent who die after getting COVID. (Or, as the science-deniers will no doubt dispute, the […]

Negative political ads have gotten out of hand

Negative political ads have gotten out of hand

Last year after ditching the dish and then cutting the cord, we hooked up with Hulu for our primary TV viewing. Sorry, I was on an alliteration roll. We can also watch Netflix, Amazon Prime and YouTube, also, but Hulu is our main source for live TV watching and DVR-ing. Of course, about the only thing we DVR anymore is “Jeopardy.” Unfortunately, a recent Hulu update decided we live somewhere near Savannah. Savannah’s nice and all, but we live hours away from Savannah. I wouldn’t really care where Hulu thinks we live, but it’s election season. And because Hulu thinks […]

Bad weather on the way? I’ll be outside

Bad weather on the way? I’ll be outside

When there’s a hurricane or blizzard looming, The Weather Channel ratings skyrocket. No one wants to see anyone killed, lose their home or be buried by an avalanche, but weather events excite some people. Guilty as charged. Yep, I’m a weather junkie. When I see storm chasers following tornadoes in the Midwest or pointing at a blown-off roof somewhere on the coast, I get a little jealous. I would love to be in their shoes — or wet boots. I’m not much for freezing to death, so I’d let someone else cover the blizzards, but I get plenty excited every […]

Y’all gotta start letting a few things slide

Y’all gotta start letting a few things slide

Way back in the early 1980s — long before a football player ever knelt for the National Anthem, back when no one carried AR-15s into the store to get milk and when wearing a mask into the liquor store was more likely to get you arrested than a “thank you” — a wise soul gave me some sage advice that sticks with me today: “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life.” I can’t remember exactly who told me that, but the word Tootie […]

Americans no longer know how to debate — only how to argue

Americans no longer know how to debate — only how to argue

We have less than two months until the next general election — and only about eight months until all the votes get counted. During this period of time, there is going to be an awful lot of arguing back and forth on social media. We will see manipulated photos and videos. We will see propaganda from Russians and Chinese and those dang Bermudans. Someone will die, and it will be that side’s fault. Another will die, and it’ll be the other side’s fault. People will point out hypocrisy on both sides, from lawmakers in hair salons to spiritual leaders in […]