Category: Newspaper columns

Baby come back — you can blame it all on me

Baby come back — you can blame it all on me

On May 30, 2015, I broke up with you, Atlanta Braves. I’d loved you unconditionally, in sickness and in health (some loooong years of sickness, by the way) my entire life, and some of my earliest memories were from that ugly bowl called Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium. I supported you when others sported bumper stickers that read, “Go Braves, and take the Falcons with you!” But after Ted Turner gave you away to some corporate folks who can’t find the state of Georgia on a map, things went downhill. You got cheap on me. Worse, you decided the perfectly good house […]

Harold and Kumar would hate Flippy

Harold and Kumar would hate Flippy

I have a confession to make. I have never eaten at a White Castle restaurant, ordered takeout from a White Castle restaurant or even picked up one of those boxes of White Castle burgers in the frozen foods section of the grocery store. As y’all know, it’s Krystal country down here. I’ve seen a few White Castles in my travels but never stopped. Because I’ve never had a White Castle burger, I can only assume by the way they look that they are almost exactly like a Krystal burger. I’m sure some tiny burger aficionado is hyperventilating and ready to […]

Why the $10 bill now gives me anxiety

Why the $10 bill now gives me anxiety

Musicals have never been my thing. I know that’s surprising for those of you who look at me and think, “Well, if that ain’t a walkin’ talkin’ ball of culture right there, I don’t know what is.” Perhaps it’s the flashbacks I have to my days at Possum Holler High when our drama class staged “My Fair Lady” — but not the one based on George Bernard Shaw’s “Pygmalion.” No, our creative drama teacher Lynn-Ellen Miranda wrote her own version based upon that time the Dog-Faced Boy ran off with Snake Girl — well, slithered off — at the 1977 […]

Wondering how I’m able to manage this coiffure in a pandemic, are you?

Wondering how I’m able to manage this coiffure in a pandemic, are you?

(Photo: Don’t tell Floyd, but I haven’t had my hair cut by a pro in years.) Something many folks have missed during these days of avoiding coronavirus like the plague — which it is — is regular haircuts. A few brave folks, of course, have charged courageously into the salon because as Billy Crystal used to point out on Fernando’s Hideaway on “Saturday Night Live:” It’s better to look good than to feel good.” Don’t I know it. Some of you, though, have played it a little safer. You’re the guys looking like Shaggy from “Scooby-Doo,” and the women looking […]

Much needs changing, but let’s not forget these big issues

Much needs changing, but let’s not forget these big issues

A couple of months ago, as many of us were dealing with shelter-in-place orders during those good ol’ days when we still cared about stifling a pandemic, Land O Lakes made some big news. That’s right. Butter. Butter made the news. They removed the image of a Native American woman from their packaging. It was a move hailed by half the nation and decried by those thinking this could be a slippery slope toward having almost nothing racist anymore. They actually removed the woman from the packaging in February, but I guess no one noticed until April because we were […]

Things left unsaid can haunt us

Things left unsaid can haunt us

There has been a lot of commentary on the George Floyd and the Ahmaud Arbery cases. The tragedies seem pretty clear to me, although the Arbery case hits closer to home as it happened not only in my home state but near the Georgia coast that I love so much. When you put a gun in someone’s hand, they get a sense of power and authority. When you put a gun in a racist’s hands, you exponentially ramp up the chances of a tragedy like what happened in Glynn County. And the guy who pulled the trigger in Glynn County […]

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Last week, President Trump announced he was going to crack down on social media after Twitter had the audacity to fact-check a couple of his tweets. Actually, they didn’t exactly fact-check him — they merely linked to a couple of sites where his Twitter followers could do the fact-checking themselves. Clearly Twitter does not realize that we live in a fact-averse society. Truth is so last century. If you believe everything you read on Twitter, in a couple of hours you’ll be yelling, “There is no way on God’s flat Earth that I’m taking a vaccine made in the basement […]

A mask is not an imposition unless you’re selfish

A mask is not an imposition unless you’re selfish

One of the biggest problems in America right now is the way people generalize and oversimplify issues. Well, OK, that’s not exactly true because generalizations and oversimplifications barely crack the top 1,000 of problems in America right now. So, allow me to generalize and oversimplify for a moment. (Or don’t, because I’m going to do so anyway.) I’ve realized that there are two kinds of people in America. No, not Republicans and Democrats. No, not Southerners and Yankees. No, not Coke people and Pepsi people. True, those are kinds of people — well, except the Pepsi folks. You can’t love […]