Category: Newspaper columns

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Last week, President Trump announced he was going to crack down on social media after Twitter had the audacity to fact-check a couple of his tweets. Actually, they didn’t exactly fact-check him — they merely linked to a couple of sites where his Twitter followers could do the fact-checking themselves. Clearly Twitter does not realize that we live in a fact-averse society. Truth is so last century. If you believe everything you read on Twitter, in a couple of hours you’ll be yelling, “There is no way on God’s flat Earth that I’m taking a vaccine made in the basement […]

A mask is not an imposition unless you’re selfish

A mask is not an imposition unless you’re selfish

One of the biggest problems in America right now is the way people generalize and oversimplify issues. Well, OK, that’s not exactly true because generalizations and oversimplifications barely crack the top 1,000 of problems in America right now. So, allow me to generalize and oversimplify for a moment. (Or don’t, because I’m going to do so anyway.) I’ve realized that there are two kinds of people in America. No, not Republicans and Democrats. No, not Southerners and Yankees. No, not Coke people and Pepsi people. True, those are kinds of people — well, except the Pepsi folks. You can’t love […]

Neighborhood has a new sound during the pandemic

Neighborhood has a new sound during the pandemic

My neighborhood has grown exponentially since we moved in nearly three and a half years ago. Back then, we were the third house built on our street. Now, there are 25 or so. More have built on other streets. For the past few years, though, there was something conspicuously absent from the streets — children. I knew they existed because I’ve seen pictures. They’re like shorter versions of adults. Then something called coronavirus arrived in Georgia and schools began canceling in-person classes. If I’d have known it was possible to shut down schools, I’d have created COVID for my seventh-grade […]

Modern technology has its flaws, but I’m grateful for some of it

Modern technology has its flaws, but I’m grateful for some of it

I usually work from home about three days a week. Being in the communications field, most of what I do can be done can be done from just about anywhere with an internet connection. Don’t worry, though: I’m not writing this from the bathroom. It’s not like I’m the president. “Hey, Melania, pause ‘Fox and Friends.’ I got an idea for a legendary Tweet that’s going to go right up their with the Gettysburg Address and the Emaciated Promulgation. Besides, last night’s Big Mac is calling. May have a full-on Tweet storm coming on.” When I’m in the actual office […]

I thought I could handle life without live sports

I thought I could handle life without live sports

The coronavirus pandemic has shone a harsh spotlight on a lot of issues in American society. It has revealed that some folks consider great-grandmas and others in their age group expendable. So much for the wisdom of our elders. If they were so “smart,” then why did they decide to get older? It has revealed that the personal economies of most Americans are super-fragile. For years, we’ve heard that millions of hard-working Americans can’t afford a $400 emergency. We never addressed this as a society until now, and we still haven’t done too good at it: Sorry you lost your […]

Welcome to Georgia’s pandemic radio station!

Welcome to Georgia’s pandemic radio station!

Welcome to Virus Radio, playing Georgia’s pandemic hits 24 hours a day! Heck, this is Georgia, baby, and we don’t do no stinkin’ numbers and facts, so, starting tomorrow, we are gonna broadcast 25 hours a day, eight days a week. This is DJ CJ with your Morning Drive for all you essential workers out there heading to your essential jobs — the health care workers, first responders, food prep folks, hair stylists, tattoo artists, massage therapists, nail technicians and, of course, our essential gun shop personnel in case we need to buy a gun to shoot anyone we see […]

Hey (hey) you (you), get off of my White Cloud!

Hey (hey) you (you), get off of my White Cloud!

Tomorrow could be a momentous day at the Johnson household. That’s the day my online order of toilet paper is supposed to arrive. Supposed to. As President Trump says — about everything — “We’ll see.” When this pandemic first hit the United States, toilet paper began flying off shelves. But, I thought, surely this won’t last. After all, I can’t imagine that the bathroom-going habits of Americans have changed all that much. Or have they? “Well, Gladys, I got furloughed for the month of April. If you need me, I’ll be in here pooping until May. Thank goodness we bought […]

Be a better you when this is over

Be a better you when this is over

(Photo: I snapped this shot of a guy contemplating the sunset on giant rocks that jutted out into the Pacific Ocean in the little fishing village of Las Peñitas, Nicaragua, during my first trip there to help build homes for families in need with The Fuller Center for Housing. This look of contemplation against the backdrop of the sunset seems to fit this column.) With all of the things that could go wrong during a pandemic, I guess I’m pretty unscathed by the coronavirus outbreak. I got sick … with something. Who knows what I was sick with because the […]