When it comes to the battle between right-wingers and Disney, I don’t really have a Pluto in this fight. Orlando is my least favorite town on Earth, just behind Aleppo, Syria, and College Park, Georgia. I’m also not a bigot who has knee-jerk reactions when he hears about anything related to gay or trans issues.
I am, however, vehemently against whining. And America is now an incredibly whiny country.
This whole Disney thing exploded when the company got in trouble with its more woke employees and supporters for not immediately coming out strongly against Florida’s “Parental Rights in Education” bill, known to woke folks as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Right-wing folks then got mad when Disney then backtracked — what they perceived as caving to the woke mob … instead of caving to them.
Right-wingers claim that Walt Disney would be turning over in his grave over all the gayness they think permeates the Disney-verse. Being a super-serious journalist, I contacted Walt Disney myself to ask for a comment. When I reached him in his cryogenic chamber, Walt just said, “I d-d-d-don’t care. I’m c-c-c-cold!”
Like many pandering right-wing bills, this “parental rights” effort is a solution to a make-believe problem, which sounds a little Disney-ish in itself. Right-wingers are convinced that kindergarten teachers are on a quest to turn straight children gay just for fun after reading too much Dr. Seuss and going insane — which, granted, seems plausible. These are the same folks who drop their kids off at Wholesome Dance Studio, where their straight little young’uns learn all the moves to the Village People’s “YMCA” while having no clue what that song is about.
(By the way, does anybody else get a kick out of watching anti-gay folks dance to that song at ballgames and such, or is it just me?)
The folks upset with Disney probably also believe that the only reason little Ella’s girls softball team, the Little Angels, lost yesterday because the Little Devils girls team is really a bunch of players who were born male and need to have their privates inspected. They also won’t let Ella go to the girls bathroom anymore because she’ll probably be followed by 12 bearded guys. (Of course, those guys could be trans folks who would’ve used the men’s room but now have to follow little Ella into the girls bathroom because their birth certificates say they are males and conservative-passed laws force them into the same bathroom with Ella. Again, it’s an unnecessary “solution” that complicates things much more than they were.)
I’m all for parental input in education. That’s important. But you don’t have to spend long on social media before you realize half of parents are pretty stupid and the other 33 percent are paranoid. The remaining 44 percent can’t do math at all. Yet, stupid parents demanding the right to decide how their kids are educated also interfere with how the smart parents want their kids educated — such as, you know, by educators and not by Uncle Jim Bob who just came down off a 14-hour Newsmax bender.
At the same time, the woke mob needs to calm down. Granted, the right-wing invented cancel culture with the Dixie Chicks and are at it again with Disney, but cancel culture is generally no good no matter which side it’s coming from. Yes, the so-called parental rights bills are completely unnecessary, but it’s also not quite “Don’t Say Gay.” I think companies ought to be able to sit out some political issues and focus on normal business matters — such as using inflation as an excuse to gouge consumers while pretending they’re merely at the mercy of the markets as they rack up record profits. (See Exxon-Mobil, Starbucks, Tyson Foods, etc.)
If you are one of those who have vowed to boycott Disney, though, well, please go ahead and get on with it. Quit being a tool as you respond to daily Fox News stories and posts all designed to do nothing but get an utterly predictable knee-jerk reaction out of you. It’s more banal than when pages post things like, “Name a word with two Os in in it. We bet you can’t!” Fox News talks about Mickey Mouse more than they talk about Vladimir Putin. You have every right to boycott Disney and watch Kirk Cameron movies. By all means, snowflakes, go to your bubbles of safety — and hurry before Aladdin’s genie snaps his fingers and turns your child gay.
And be sure to boycott “The Flintstones” while you’re at it. At the end of their theme song, they encourage everyone to have “a gay ol’ time.” Couple that with all of Fred and Barney’s cactus juice guzzling and antics down at the Water Buffalo Lodge, and they’re liable to not only turn your kids onto gayness but also off of wearing shoes.
It may make right-wingers uncomfortable when newer movies are more representative of the real world, but it does not make Disney “woke,” just real. If you don’t like real, that’s up to you. And it may make left-wingers uncomfortable when a company does not fight every conservative initiative. It’s a company, not your mama. Folks on each side of issues like this should have their say and make their decisions. Just please, everybody, quit whining about Disney.
Do like me — let it go, let it go. Well, unless it’s today’s horrible modern rap and country music. Now there’s something we should all be constantly whining about!
Not just me.