There have been some truly remarkable inventions over the past couple of centuries — the automobile, the airplane, the microwave, the television, the computer and the Weeble Wobble, just to name a handful.
But I think we can all agree that the greatest invention of the past 100 years — perhaps even the last millennium or two — clearly is the snooze button.
Sure, an awful lot of us drive cars, too many of us watch TV and only a handful of disturbed people do not love Weeble Wobbles, but all of us use the snooze button. Those extra nine minutes of sleep — and another nine minutes, and another nine minutes, and “Oh, God! How did it get to be 7:30? I’m late!” — make you truly appreciate how wonderful sleep is.
I know some folks like to brag about how they don’t need much sleep. When I hear of doctors or nurses pulling long shifts without sleep, I’m not impressed but worried.
“Um, would you mind getting someone who’s not shaking from 10 cups of coffee to put that needle in my arm?”
Presidents Clinton, Obama and Trump have all claimed to operate on four to six hours of sleep while in office. This allows the leader of the free world more time to chase interns, pick NCAA brackets or tweet — whichever is the most pressing issue of the moment for that particular administration.
America celebrates workaholics and frowns upon sleep, even though it’s good for you. So is snoozing. In fact, hitting that snooze button three or four times often is the most exercise I get all day.
But there’s another snooze button out there now that is equally useful. It’s Facebook’s “snooze” button that allows you to hide annoying friends, groups or pages for 30 days. Granted, it’s Facebook, which tweaks any feature if they discover folks actually know how to use it, so don’t get too comfortable with it. But, for now, enjoy.
The beauty of Facebook’s snooze button is that you can stop seeing posts from folks without their knowing it. So, they don’t get offended that you think they’re an idiot, and you don’t get in trouble for not being able to resist commenting “you’re an idiot” on their posts.
This is particularly helpful for those family members who share different political views from you — or, as I like to refer to them, people who are wrong. But you’re related to them, so you have to be nice. Too bad you didn’t have this feature before this year’s awkward extended family Christmas gathering, but at least you can hide them now and feel better about getting together with everyone on Arbor Day.
I’m experimenting with it now. I’m hitting the snooze button each time I see fake news. Ironically, I seem to be snoozing all the people who scream “fake news!” the most.
Of course, I realize that my friends are going to hit the snooze button on my posts an awful lot. By the time Arbor Day rolls around, my rants about the government will be as unheard as a letter to your congressional representative.
I guess I could resort to posting pictures of my lunch or sharing quizzes headlined “Only a person with an IQ of 180 can find Waldo. I found Waldo.”
Nah. On second thought, just hit the snooze button. Just don’t react with an angry face emoji. My fragile ego can’t handle it.
By the way, here’s where to find the “snooze” on Facebook …