Just a few more weary days and then …

When I was a kid, “The Jetsons” filled me with false hopes. I thought we’d all be working three-hour workweeks by now. I thought robots would do all the housework with only a slight bit of attitude. And I thought Judy Jetson would eventually be older than 15.

(Oh, save your outrage — she was older than I was when I watched reruns of “The Jetsons” on my 13-inch black-and-white TV. She didn’t respond to any of my fan mail, anyway.)

Granted, there are many visions of the future that did come to pass in some form or another — such as video calls, virtual assistants and talking dogs. Oh, come on — we’ve all seen that video of that dog saying “I love you.” In fact, that dog recently got sued for making an unwanted advance toward a poodle at the local dog park.

But there was one thing we all wanted more than anything from “The Jetsons” — even more than being able to escort Judy Jetson to Orbit High School’s homecoming dance — and that was flying cars. That was supposed to be ubiquitous by now, even in parts of Georgia where I live and where these little buzzing crafts would be zipping by with MAGA bumper stickers, laser-gun racks in the back window, and a deer draped across the hood. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you — I’m all for laser guns and cubed deer steak is delicious.)

However, thanks to a company called Alef Aeronautics, we may be getting closer to that dream — a dream that could be yours for just $150. Yes, they are now accepting $150 deposits for their Model A vehicle that can be used on the road or in the sky. Of course, after that $150 down, there’s about $300,000 due at signing.

Lest you think this is too far in the future to worry about, Alef believes that it can have these vehicles on the roads, taking off into the sky and crashing left and right into skyscrapers and cellular towers by 2025. They’ve got the backing of SpaceX, Dr. Evil Musk and Mr. Bigglesworth, so money won’t be a problem. The only slight issue they have is that the vehicle keeps pulling to the right shortly after takeoff.

I’ve got a few concerns about flying cars, though, that I’m going to need addressed before I go putting down $150 and then selling both my kidneys for the rest of the cost.

The only time I really enjoy flying is occasionally in my dreams, though it requires me to flap my arms like a bird until I wake up wondering why my torn rotator cuff is aching again. (By the way, I looked up what this means in my Dream Interpretation Guide, and it said, “You’re weird.”) 

And most people are bad drivers. They tailgate. They don’t pay attention to road conditions. They have no idea what the word “yield” means on the ground, so I doubt they’re gonna have a better understanding in the air. In these flying vehicles, will I still be able to roll down the window and scream, “What does the word ‘yield’ mean on your planet?!” And will there be parachute-connected ejector seats for anxious parents trying to teach their teenagers how to fly?

Another issue is that Alef’s Model A — for the time being anyway — goes just 25 to 35 miles per hour on the ground but 110 in the air. Um, those folks driving 30 mph on the ground are why I want a flying car in the first place.

I do have some insider knowledge about this issue because I was once in a flying car and found it to be a highly overrated experience. A young driver ran a red light in the middle of downtown Columbus in July of 2000 and sent my Saturn into orbit and onto the car in the next lane. I now have more titanium in my left leg than Rosie the Maid, as well as a grumpier attitude.

We just can’t trust 16-year-old drivers or a bunch of Judy Jetsons on learner’s permits to pay full attention on the ground, much less in the air. And it’s going to be a lot harder to slam on brakes in the sky.

2 Comments

  • Yep I remember thinking we would be driving flying cars by the time I was 20!!! Well I’m 71 and still driving my 2007 Chevrolet Silverado truck with a Bill Heard name on the tailgate! So what the hell???

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