What’s on the radio over yonder way in the galaxy?

While most Americans were bogged down in all the drama of Election Day and its sequels — The Election Day Strikes Back and Return of the Election Day — NASA was trying to direct our attention to some developments of astronomical scale, literally. 

It all started just before Halloween when NASA announced that SOFIA had confirmed there is water on the moon. I’m not sure whether the SOFIA is Vergara or Coppola, but kudos to the lady for finding it. Oh, wait. Turns out that SOFIA is an acronym for NASA’s Stratospheric Observatory for Infrared Astronomy. I guess that’s better than the original name for the water-detector — Moon Observation Reports Of National Scientists, or MORONS. 

Scientists, of course, are all giddy over this discovery because it could transform our perspective on the potential for long-distance space travel — as opposed to short-distance space travel such as a weekend junket to Mars, I guess. The Coca-Cola Company is all giddy because they plan to start selling Dasani Moon Water next week, likely at double the cost of plain ol’ moon water out of the crater. I’m all giddy because I just bought 30 acres of waterfront property on the moon, where I planned to build a resort, but Jimmy Buffett just bought me out to build his 147th Margaritaville Resort. Part of the deal is I get free stays and margaritas for life. 

Perhaps more interesting that the existence of water on the moon, however, is the discovery of radio waves coming from our own galaxy and not from our own Earth. It could be coming from a far-away solar system or New Jersey, but definitely not from Earth. 

Most of the radio waves previously detected by scientists were supposedly from millions or even billions of light years away. I have a theory those waves actually came from pranksters in the next room playing Led Zepplin softly on an old record player while the scientists who were supposed to be listening out for outer-space radio waves were playing beer pong to keep from falling asleep. 

“Hee hee, check out Dr. Goofus! He thinks ‘Whole Lotta Love’ is coming from another galaxy! We gotta TikTok this!” 

These new waves, though, are supposedly coming from just 30,000 light years away, which is just around the corner in galactic speak, or as we say around here, “Over yonder way.” 

Now, there’s no way to know whether these waves came from a neutron star or from a station on the planet Xavius in the Delta Quadrant without further study, but there were some subtle clues in some of the more distinct waves they were able to capture: 

“This is DJ Rockin’ Randy with WKMGTZX-FM’s afternoon drive. Next up on Xavius’ home for the classics, we have Iron Maiden’s ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida,’ Donna Summer’s ‘Love to Love You, Baby’ and the live version of ‘Freebird’ because I’ve gotta go to the bathroom and, quite frankly, it may be a while. Which reminds me — if you go to the Baco Tell in North Xavius City, do not drink the moon water! Those songs are coming at you after this commercial break.” 

“Hi, I’m Kelly Loeffler, and I approved this message …” 

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