I’ve seen a lot of words used to lump a whole lot of folks into one category in America based upon their political views or cultural leanings.
A popular one with right-wingers is “lib-tard” to describe anyone who views are anywhere to the left of Ann Coulter — which would include everyone from Bernie Sanders to Jesus to Richard Nixon, none of whom are conservative enough in today’s America. (See chart below)
Folks on the left like to throw out words like fascist to describe today’s right-wingers who seem anti-immigrant, ultra-nationalist and OK with discrediting the media if it counters the propaganda their regime prefers, now even cheering physically attacking the media. And while a lot of fascist principles may apply — including giving so much power to corporations and adoration for a single leader — we haven’t quite followed in Hitler’s footsteps.
But there’s a new term that both sides — and those seven of us left in America’s middle — like to throw around: snowflake. It doesn’t sound so menacing. I mean, it takes an awful lot of snowflakes to cause a problem unless you’re an Atlantan trying to drive in an accumulation of more than two snowflakes.
Unfortunately, when you hear the term snowflake today, you don’t think of Frosty the Snowman, snowball fights or Bing Crosby singing holiday songs. You now equate the term snowflake with whiny people who melt when confronted with opposing viewpoints.
Folks on the right’s favorite target to call snowflakes are college students — or as their foes likely refer to them, “kollege stoodents.” They are convinced that if you walk onto a campus of 25,000 students, 24,998 of them are huddled in some safe room where they don’t have to hear conservative viewpoints, while the other two students are falsely accusing some poor drunken frat boy of assault.
There’s a snowball’s worth of truth in this avalanche of accusation. From the walkout at Notre Dame’s graduation to folks protesting speeches of Ann Coulter and even Bill Maher, there are times when it appears that colleges can be a little snowflaky in microcosm. But the truth is always more boring. Instead of headlines like “100 students walk out of Notre Dame graduation to protest Pence address,” a more accurate one might be “3,071 Notre Dame students sit through final boring speech.”
I suspect that somewhere near 101 percent of the folks who screamed “SNOWFLAKE!” at the Notre Dame students who walked out happen to be supporters of President Trump, whose social media posts are as narcissistic and whiny as a spoiled 12-year-old girl whose iPhone you can’t pry out of her hands. I guess one person’s snowflake is another’s rock who stands firm on principles.
But I’m tired of the term snowflake. I like snow. I hope to one day see it again in Georgia. I want so see snow gently falling on the hill behind my home. I want 12 snowflakes to fall so I can call into work and say, “I can’t drive in this! You want me to get killed?!”
I say we replace the term snowflake with Pop Rocks. Remember Pop Rocks? I assume they still exist. Pop Rocks were found in the candy aisle in little pouches. You’d pour them into your mouth and they’d pop (duh), sizzle and quickly dissolve in your mouth. Their main ingredients were sugar and plutonium-241. Mmm, mmm.
From now on, America’s whiny — from the college campus to the Oval Office — shall now be referred to as Pop Rocks instead of snowflakes. Hopefully after their burst of pop and sizzle, they’ll also be gone before you know it.