Tag: amber heard

You may be entitled to condensation

You may be entitled to condensation

Hello. I’m Attorney Chris Johnson, Esquire-ish, of the law firm of Johnson and Maybe Larry If He Passes The Bar. I’ve been one of the leading malpractice, personal injury and ambulance chasing attorneys in Possum Holler for more than 27 days now. You can trust me as evidenced by this three-piece suit, shiny table and wall full of books I’ve never touched but I’m pretty sure has legal stuff like, you know, state codes from 1968 and junk like that in them. I have a few questions for you, and if you answer them correctly, we might score enough cash […]

Streaming soon: The Amazing 60-year-old Spider-Man

Streaming soon: The Amazing 60-year-old Spider-Man

I learned to read at an early age. In fact, my kindergarten teacher made me read to the class at storytime so they could see that anyone could learn to read. It was a real honor, and I went home with a lot of badges of honor called black eyes. Despite that early start — or maybe even because of it — I was not a big fan of reading and books as a kid. Why spend all that energy turning pages when a television could beam stories directly into my head like a conspiracy theorist watching OAN today? Then […]

In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

When you’re a part-time newspaper columnist like me, one of the advantages is the untold riches those 25 minutes of weekly work brings and the capacity to buy anything you want. I bought a time machine. Sure, I could go back in time and kill baby Hitler or go forward to get next week’s lottery numbers, but, again, I am already filthy rich — not rich enough to buy (or maybe not) Twitter but enough to buy (or maybe not) Parler. I’d let you borrow my time machine, but it’s a stick shift, and the air-conditioner doesn’t work. (Again, just […]