• Tag: bernie sanders

    Politicians’ latest game in D.C. is a pain in the ice

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    Politicians’ latest game in D.C. is a pain in the ice

    Sorry to interrupt your “work” as you try to keep an eye on that pivotal March Madness first-round matchup between Grand Canyon University and Sewage Ditch Community College, but that’s hardly the biggest sports story of the month.  Nor did the biggest sports story come from the NFL Combine, where Southwest Mississippi guard Bubba Squashmeyer ran a 2:04.45, which would have set a new record had it been the New York City Marathon and not the 40-yard dash. Fortunately, he did set a new physical measurement mark with a 95-inch neck, breaking the record held for more than four decades […]

    In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

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    In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

    When you’re a part-time newspaper columnist like me, one of the advantages is the untold riches those 25 minutes of weekly work brings and the capacity to buy anything you want. I bought a time machine. Sure, I could go back in time and kill baby Hitler or go forward to get next week’s lottery numbers, but, again, I am already filthy rich — not rich enough to buy (or maybe not) Twitter but enough to buy (or maybe not) Parler. I’d let you borrow my time machine, but it’s a stick shift, and the air-conditioner doesn’t work. (Again, just […]

    Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

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    Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

    When Donald Trump first came down that escalator in 2015, politics in America changed forever. Like him or not, believe he is truthful or not, think he brought Jesus back to the White House or makes Jesus vomit, whatever — it’s indisputable that politics, particularly at the top of the spectrum, changed forever for better or for worse. Whether we are better off for America’s relatively new politics of personality over principles is not what I’m here to talk about … or type about in this instance. It’s here to stay, so I’m thinking about how we navigate these nasty […]

    Sometimes those side effects are real

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    Sometimes those side effects are real

    I’m finally old enough to get the vaccine. Woo-hoo! The shingles vaccine, that is. I’d put it off for a while because I done researched them interwebs myself and found a conservative witch doctor in Nambia who was silenced by social media when he explained that the shingles vaccine Shingrix has only been around since 2017 and is nothing but a money-making hoax that has killed millions, and that shingles can be cured with a mix of Elmer’s glue, Pace chunky salsa and Quaker State that you apply with a badminton racket while lying in a tanning booth (on high/George […]

    Hey Iowa: Stick to corn

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    Hey Iowa: Stick to corn

    Iowa is known for only a handful of things. Captain Kirk was from there. Dead baseball players wander its corn fields. It is the nation’s leading producer of ethanol. And it is known as “The Hawkeye State,” making it the only state in the nation that got its nickname from Alan Alda’s character on “MASH.” And, oh yeah, they also get to vote for president before anyone else, shaping the race for the whole rest of the nation. Well, maybe vote isn’t the right word. They caucus. If you thought caucuses were some mountain range in Europe, let me help […]

    2020: The Year in Preview

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    2020: The Year in Preview

    When most folks make predictions, they are merely guessing. But when I make predictions — especially about something as important and as annual as my Year in Preview — know that I am not merely guessing. Puh-leeze! I’m no amateur here. I’m guessing and throwing two tennis balls against a wall, each ball with a prediction about a topic of major importance. Then I send ol’ Blue here, a hound dog with the ability to foretell the future, to chase the balls. Whichever one he pees on is the prediction I announce. By the time I get around to predicting […]

    Debriefing Santa Claus

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    Debriefing Santa Claus

    Today we celebrate Christmas Day — or Jimmy Buffett’s birthday if you’re more into being a Parrothead than into religion. Better yet, throw on a tropical shirt, put on that “A1A” album and open some presents. After all, the jolly old elf Santa Claus put a lot of work into circumnavigating the Earth last night in search of good little boys and girls to leave presents under the tree. Unfortunately, Santa is an unusually foul mood today. I caught up with him for a little interview about how the night went and plans for next Christmas. Me: Merry Christmas, Santa! […]

    It’s so easy to confuse Mitt Romney with Dr. John

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    It’s so easy to confuse Mitt Romney with Dr. John

    There is a major problem in the United States that no one addresses. As a pseudo-journalist whose name has yet to appear on President Trump’s enemies list, it falls upon to me to address this very serious issue. I know I’m not on the list because former FBI Director James Comey did not bring it up during his appearance on “The View.” (Or was I was watching Lurch on “The Addams Family?”) Anyway, this major problem is from the world of sports. And, no, I’m not talking about that quarterback who took a knee — Colin Kaeppur … Caperni … […]