Tag: COVID

An unexpected hiccup in my return to the gym

An unexpected hiccup in my return to the gym

When you get to be my age, you’ve got to make some choices about your health. You could say something like, “Hey, 52 years is a good run, so I think I’m going to drink a few margaritas, eat some double-chili-cheeseburgers and then watch five straight games from this here recliner. Might squeeze in a nap, too. I’m done with exercising … forever.” To which your supportive wife might respond, “Chris Johnson, that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, and, believe me, that’s one loooong list of dumb stuff that has come out of your mouth.” My wife is […]

Restaurant apps are a thing now, but no so much back home

Restaurant apps are a thing now, but no so much back home

When I was a kid, going to a restaurant was a very big deal. Of course, I grew up in a small town where folks actually cooked on a regular basis and there weren’t a dozen restaurants on every street. In fact, I doubt there were a dozen restaurants in the whole county when I was a kid. Not that it was a bad thing. We sat down for dinner with no waiting for a table, no loud folks at the next table and no music or TVs blaring. That gave my parents a chance to ask things like how […]

The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

Some of you may not know that writing newspaper columns, books and blogs is not my real job. I mean, it all pays incredible money and I often roll around naked in cash like Demi Moore in “Indecent Proposal,” but I do have a real job — on the White House staff as an advisor to the president. I spend a lot of time with President Joe Biden helping him navigate the complexities of the Covid response, increasing inflation amid even-further-increasing corporate profits and handling his Twitter account. Lately, though, I’ve spent a lot of time helping him with the […]

This year I resolve to have important resolutions only

This year I resolve to have important resolutions only

New Year’s Eve/Day used to be my favorite holiday. Granted, a few different holidays have had that distinction over the years. Of course, as a child Christmas was my favorite holiday because, you know, toys. Then someone hacked Santa’s website and put me on the naughty list, and the toys stopped coming. After the hack, some folks in India — usually named “Steve” or “Mary” — began to call and warn me that the extended warranty on my tricycle was about to expire. (I couldn’t ever verify the make and model of my tricycle because the cord on that wall […]

2022: The Year in Preview

2022: The Year in Preview

When your year begins with an exciting live-action episode of “The Walking Dead” filmed at the U.S. Capitol with thousands of frothing-at-the-mouth, brainless zombies, you know it’s going to be an interesting year. And 2021 certainly was that. But it’s time to put all that behind us — even though lawmakers are still investigating the January 6 insurrection, former President Trump is still pretending he won the 2020 election, and CNN complains that people give Trump too much airtime while never going three minutes without using the word “Trump.” Unfortunately, 2022 is shaping up to be much, much more of […]

A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

(Photo: Looking for a shot that makes you feel like this? I, and a friend of yours from Florida have great news!) If you broke down my friends list on Facebook, half of the folks are left of center, half are right of center, and the other third I’m not sure about. Now, all the folks on the left aren’t the same, nor are all the folks on the right. But a few things are consistent about each group. For instance, I’m fairly certain that every single unvaccinated friend I have is on the right, and vice-versa. And I’m pretty […]

Unvaccinated? Please stop reading immediately

Unvaccinated? Please stop reading immediately

If you have not been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 — and I mean with Moderna or Pfizer, not by Sister GiGi and her live chicken — I must ask you to stop reading now. This is a pro-science space today. Go out and about, spread the pandemic, unknowingly kill a few folks, and continue to stage the kind of environment that will allow the virus to further mutate, perhaps to a point where it might evade our vaccines and punish those who are doing the right thing. Remember, we can’t keep this pandemic going without you. Now, stop reading and […]

You can’t believe 1 percent of what 50 percent say

You can’t believe 1 percent of what 50 percent say

It has been said that there are three types of lies: Lies, damned lies and statistics. Polling has found that 58 percent of people believe that quote is from Mark Twain. The other 57 percent believe it’s from British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli. Actually, Twain used the quote and attributed it to Disraeli, although there is no direct attribution that it came out that way from Disraeli. But, really, since the Internet was invented by Al Gore in an igloo, attribution has become pretty much irrelevant. We have folks in this country ready to shoot folks over completely made-up stuff […]