Tag: donald trump

Another case of selective non-outrage

Another case of selective non-outrage

In the grand scheme of things, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce’s latest sideline meltdown is not a big deal. But in addition to behaving like an entitled 4-year-old hyped-up on Fun Dip and Pixy Stix whose parents won’t let him buy a Nerf gun at Wal-Mart, he did push Coach Andy Reid, who was able to stay upright thanks to the fact that he is a human Weeble Wobble.  The right thing to do would be for Kelce to issue a sincere apology instead of laughing it off, for the Chiefs to fine him and set a standard […]

Breakdancing ain’t no substitute for football

Breakdancing ain’t no substitute for football

As long as I can remember — which is usually about as far back as yesterday’s lunch — I’ve suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Granted, it’s probably way down the list of my disorders, but it’s about to kick in big time. Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD or as the winter blahs, is primarily caused by reduced hours of sunlight which was mandated by Obama-era officials trying to curb global warming. Fortunately, Donald Trump says that if he is elected, he will pass a note to his jail guard demanding that Congress pass a law creating 23 hours […]

Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

We have an immigration problem. We have a border problem. We’ve had these issues for many years. Fixing it may be like the quest to foment peace in the Middle East — never gonna happen. It is a problem. Fortunately, a few GOP folks worked with a few Democrats to craft some legislation that at least kinda sorta tries to address the problem. But they forgot that’s not how D.C. works anymore (and I use the term “works” loosely). The intent no longer is to address problems but instead to leverage them by assigning blame to the other side in […]

Too much cussin’ ruffles feathers

Too much cussin’ ruffles feathers

I recently shared on my official Facebook page a blog post I penned about how ridiculous it was that Iowa and New Hampshire have so much power in determining our presidential candidates. Our primary process is stupid and unfair, and that goes for both Democrats and Republicans. Of course, comments spiraled into the typical “all Republicans are evil morons” and “all Democrats are crazy libtards” kind of useless comments in which they each try to own each other with simplistic insults — none of which had anything to do with the point of the post, which I suspect very few […]

Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

I’m sure Iowa is a lovely state when it’s not covered by two feet of snow, when it’s above 0 degrees, or when murderous children named Malachi and Isaac aren’t roaming its corn fields. (But, wait, Chris, wasn’t “Children of the Corn” set in Nebraska? That’s a dumb question because it doesn’t matter. Nebraska and Iowa are both the same giant cornfield, so it doesn’t make a difference.) It also doesn’t make a difference whom you prefer during presidential primary season unless you live in Iowa or some theoretical state called New Hampshire where Census records show that no one […]

2024 — The Year in Preview

2024 — The Year in Preview

I’ve been doing my annual Year in Preview as long as I can remember. Then again, I can’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so that’s not saying too much. (It likely was a possum sammich, but it could have been a bowl of squirrel and dumplings.) Folks tell me I’ve been providing this critical public prognostication service since the last millennium — I assume toward the end of the last millennium, but they weren’t overly specific. And I won’t be stopping anytime soon because when you have the gift for seeing into the future as I have, it […]

Congress is becoming the new middle school — but less mature

Congress is becoming the new middle school — but less mature

Welcome to the November assembly of the Capitol Middle School Student Government Association. My name is Mr. Johnson, and as part of my probation, I’ve been ordered to guide you the rest of this year. It was either that or clean the orangutan area at Zoo Atlanta, so please don’t make me regret my decision. Yes, Marjorie? MARJORIE: I just wanted to … ME: Um, please stand up when addressing everyone. MARJORIE: I am! ME: Oh, OK. Proceed. MARJORIE: I have it on good authority — or as we say in my neighborhood, I seen it on them interwebs — […]

Enter the crazy old uncle; exit the nuance

Enter the crazy old uncle; exit the nuance

I’ve been asked the following questions many times, and I believe it’s time to set the record straight once and for all: Are you conservative or liberal? Are you pro-life or pro-abortion? Israel or the Palestinians? Do you support gun control or the 2nd Amendment? Frozen or on the rocks? The answers are, in order — yes, yes, yes, yes and frozen. In this age of extreme polarization, America has become a this-or-that society. There’s no room for discussion in the gray areas of complicated issues. There are really only two political parties at work … and, yes, I use […]