• Tag: donald trump

    How to wash your pickup truck

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    How to wash your pickup truck

    I just did something unusual — well, unusual for me anyway. I took my pickup truck through the car wash. This was quite the shock to everyone I know, especially my wife who is convinced that I can’t actually see dirt until it piles up to the point that folks give it a name that starts with Mount. Not only that, but I purchased the $25 wash — the most money I’ve spent on a vehicle cleaning in my entire life. Yes, I know some of you spend 10 times that at some specialty place where they crawl all around […]

    In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

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    In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

    When you’re a part-time newspaper columnist like me, one of the advantages is the untold riches those 25 minutes of weekly work brings and the capacity to buy anything you want. I bought a time machine. Sure, I could go back in time and kill baby Hitler or go forward to get next week’s lottery numbers, but, again, I am already filthy rich — not rich enough to buy (or maybe not) Twitter but enough to buy (or maybe not) Parler. I’d let you borrow my time machine, but it’s a stick shift, and the air-conditioner doesn’t work. (Again, just […]

    2022: The Year in Preview

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    2022: The Year in Preview

    When your year begins with an exciting live-action episode of “The Walking Dead” filmed at the U.S. Capitol with thousands of frothing-at-the-mouth, brainless zombies, you know it’s going to be an interesting year. And 2021 certainly was that. But it’s time to put all that behind us — even though lawmakers are still investigating the January 6 insurrection, former President Trump is still pretending he won the 2020 election, and CNN complains that people give Trump too much airtime while never going three minutes without using the word “Trump.” Unfortunately, 2022 is shaping up to be much, much more of […]

    Q has opened my eyes

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    Q has opened my eyes

    Folks these days are quick to throw stones at things they don’t understand. And because people get a little dumber every day, they’re going to need a lot more stones. We may have to import some from the Taliban. In America, of course, we do most of our stone-throwing virtually through tweets and Facebook comments. We save most of our stones for folks like scientists who think they know about science, doctors who think they know about medicine and especially for folks who believe scientists and doctors and other such purveyors of ridiculous facts. There are some groups who truly […]

    Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

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    Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

    When Donald Trump first came down that escalator in 2015, politics in America changed forever. Like him or not, believe he is truthful or not, think he brought Jesus back to the White House or makes Jesus vomit, whatever — it’s indisputable that politics, particularly at the top of the spectrum, changed forever for better or for worse. Whether we are better off for America’s relatively new politics of personality over principles is not what I’m here to talk about … or type about in this instance. It’s here to stay, so I’m thinking about how we navigate these nasty […]

    A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

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    A little inspiration from the Sunshine State

    (Photo: Looking for a shot that makes you feel like this? I, and a friend of yours from Florida have great news!) If you broke down my friends list on Facebook, half of the folks are left of center, half are right of center, and the other third I’m not sure about. Now, all the folks on the left aren’t the same, nor are all the folks on the right. But a few things are consistent about each group. For instance, I’m fairly certain that every single unvaccinated friend I have is on the right, and vice-versa. And I’m pretty […]

    You can’t believe 1 percent of what 50 percent say

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    You can’t believe 1 percent of what 50 percent say

    It has been said that there are three types of lies: Lies, damned lies and statistics. Polling has found that 58 percent of people believe that quote is from Mark Twain. The other 57 percent believe it’s from British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli. Actually, Twain used the quote and attributed it to Disraeli, although there is no direct attribution that it came out that way from Disraeli. But, really, since the Internet was invented by Al Gore in an igloo, attribution has become pretty much irrelevant. We have folks in this country ready to shoot folks over completely made-up stuff […]

    Revenge of the nerds is getting out of hand

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    Revenge of the nerds is getting out of hand

    When I was in junior high school, I dabbled in computer programming. By “programming,” of course, I mean that I bought magazines with basic DOS codes that I typed into a computer and produced simplistic video games that made Pong look brilliant. That was way back before Al Gore invented the internet as we know it — the place that today has led to such remarkable moments in human achievement like Grumpy Cat, Zoom meetings with Jeffrey Toobin, and mean tweets from Grumpy Cat’s third cousin twice-removed on his mama’s side, also known as the 45th president. Even in the […]