• Tag: joe biden

    Stuck in the middle with … nobody

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    Stuck in the middle with … nobody

    If America has a problem, I think we can all agree that it’s that no driver understands what the word “yield” means. Perhaps those signs would be more effective if they read “Hey, buddy! Slow yer roll!” If America has two problems, however, I think we can all agree that it’s gotta be extreme polarization — which is fine for sunglasses and some white bears who drink Coca-Cola around Christmas. Actually, we can’t all agree on anything in America these days, except that polar bears should wear sunglasses and yield when a seal is turning right. Our nation hasn’t been […]

    We desperately need another choice

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    We desperately need another choice

    So, y’all are really telling me that my choice in this year’s presidential election comes down to a man who always appears tired and confused or a nutjob narcissist who is laser-focused on the urgent decision of whether it’d be better to die by shark bite or electrocution? Really? When it comes down to shark bite vs. electrocution, I feel the same way I do about the election: I’m not satisfied with those options. There are 337 million people in the U.S., and I bet there’s at least one person — maybe even two — who would make better presidents. […]

    My simple solution for America’s roads

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    My simple solution for America’s roads

    The No. 1 song on the day I was born was “The Long and Winding Road” by The Beatles. I think that was supposed to be symbolic, but while my road has been quite winding, it’s actually been rather short and generally leads me around in circles through potholes and into occasional animals such as deer, stray dogs or David Allan Coe, whose mama also once got runned over by a damned ol’ train once. Or so I’ve heard. Fortunately, he was so drunk he barely noticed that he totaled my truck. The insurance company agreed to fix the front […]

    In this age of dumb conspiracy theories, I have a few little ones of my own

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    In this age of dumb conspiracy theories, I have a few little ones of my own

    We are now living in the age of conspiracy theories. It’s probably no coincidence that we’re also living in the age of dwindling journalism staffs, attacks on books, surging artificial intelligence capabilities and addiction to social media, where people believe headlines they see fly by on their phones whether they are from a conspiracy nut like Alex Jones or a serious source of investigative journalism like The Onion.  The latest fellow to come out as ignorant — though I do commend him for his bravery — is Tyler Owens, a defensive back from Texas Tech who recently made comments at […]

    Another case of selective non-outrage

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    Another case of selective non-outrage

    In the grand scheme of things, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce’s latest sideline meltdown is not a big deal. But in addition to behaving like an entitled 4-year-old hyped-up on Fun Dip and Pixy Stix whose parents won’t let him buy a Nerf gun at Wal-Mart, he did push Coach Andy Reid, who was able to stay upright thanks to the fact that he is a human Weeble Wobble.  The right thing to do would be for Kelce to issue a sincere apology instead of laughing it off, for the Chiefs to fine him and set a standard […]

    Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

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    Here’s what’s really going on in Congress with the border

    We have an immigration problem. We have a border problem. We’ve had these issues for many years. Fixing it may be like the quest to foment peace in the Middle East — never gonna happen. It is a problem. Fortunately, a few GOP folks worked with a few Democrats to craft some legislation that at least kinda sorta tries to address the problem. But they forgot that’s not how D.C. works anymore (and I use the term “works” loosely). The intent no longer is to address problems but instead to leverage them by assigning blame to the other side in […]

    Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

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    Quit hogging the election fun, Iowa and New Hampshire!

    I’m sure Iowa is a lovely state when it’s not covered by two feet of snow, when it’s above 0 degrees, or when murderous children named Malachi and Isaac aren’t roaming its corn fields. (But, wait, Chris, wasn’t “Children of the Corn” set in Nebraska? That’s a dumb question because it doesn’t matter. Nebraska and Iowa are both the same giant cornfield, so it doesn’t make a difference.) It also doesn’t make a difference whom you prefer during presidential primary season unless you live in Iowa or some theoretical state called New Hampshire where Census records show that no one […]

    2024 — The Year in Preview

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    2024 — The Year in Preview

    I’ve been doing my annual Year in Preview as long as I can remember. Then again, I can’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday, so that’s not saying too much. (It likely was a possum sammich, but it could have been a bowl of squirrel and dumplings.) Folks tell me I’ve been providing this critical public prognostication service since the last millennium — I assume toward the end of the last millennium, but they weren’t overly specific. And I won’t be stopping anytime soon because when you have the gift for seeing into the future as I have, it […]