Tag: margaritaville

Can you picture Elvis blowin’ out a flip-flop and steppin’ on a pop top?

Can you picture Elvis blowin’ out a flip-flop and steppin’ on a pop top?

More than once I’ve been told, “Enough with the Jimmy Buffett mess! You’re a Parrothead! We get it! Don’t you have a hobby or something you can write about?!” Nah, not really. Today’s article is about Jimmy Buffett. Well, actually it’s about Elvis. Well, specifically it’s about Jimmy Buffett and Elvis — two folks I rarely think about simultaneously. Elvis has gotten a lot of attention lately because of a new movie that has gotten rave reviews. My wife and mom are both huge Elvis fans, which means I’ll see it eventually. Hopefully I won’t have to watch it in […]

Inefficiencies big and small are driving me crazy

Inefficiencies big and small are driving me crazy

Photo: If your bed looks like this all the time you’re not in it, congratulations of not being inefficient. When you get to my age, you begin to realize you don’t have a lot of time to waste. I’m more than half-dead. I suspect it’s more like 90 percent dead, but that clearly is “more than half-dead.” How old am I? I’m 51. How old is that? If Tom Brady were that old, he’d be like completely, totally retired from football — only for a year or so, of course, but still. I’ve always gotten a little bugged when folks […]

Proof that I’m not one of “those people”

Proof that I’m not one of “those people”

I’ve never been much for wearing jewelry. I know it’s hard to believe that a fashion icon like myself does not have his fingers, neck, ears, nose, tongue and teeth all decked out in gold and diamonds. I guess I just haven’t found the perfect jewels to match my formal flip-flops and sleeveless t-shirt. Besides, I don’t like the way we discriminate with jewelry. Who got to decide that a diamond is a more valuable rock than quartz or limestone? Who got to decide gold is more valuable than silver and platinum is more valuable than aluminum? I’m so woke […]

Margaritaville or Margaritahill — that’s a tough call

Margaritaville or Margaritahill — that’s a tough call

For those of us who’ve spent a decade or three or four listening to the music of Jimmy Buffett, there’s this little section of our brain to which we can retreat whenever we sip a margarita, strum a six-string or lie in a hammock — or, on a really good day, all three. It’s our own little mental “Margaritaville” — where we can nibble on sponge cake in our flip-flops until someone shakes us out of our perceptual paradise with a “I thought you were gonna take out the trash!” “I can’t. I might step on a pop top! You […]

Corporations should sit out more issues

Corporations should sit out more issues

Recently my Facebook feed was flooded with folks hyperventilating about a so-called “Satan shoe,” a collaboration between rapper Lil Nas X and a company I’ve never heard of called MSCHF, which I believe stands for Milking Stupid Consumers for Hellish Footwear. The company has a long history of repurposing products in weird ways and then selling them for exorbitant costs, such as these stupid repurposed Nike Air Max 97 sneakers — adorned with a bronze pentagram charm and a drop of human blood in the mid-sole. Now, I have a confession to make: I once had a Nike with way […]

Valentine’s Day gift is worth the weight

Valentine’s Day gift is worth the weight

A couple of weeks ago, I set out to find my wife something unique for Valentine’s Day. As the years go on, we get less and less interested in “stuff” and more interested in new experiences and making memories. I did get a few tiny “stuffs,” but the big gift wasn’t tiny at all. In fact, it was really big — about 10 feet long and more than 900 pounds. It’s a manatee. Yes, my wife is now the proud (at least I think she’s proud) adoptive mother of Margarito. I met Margarito, virtually, while researching Save the Manatee — […]

What’s on the radio over yonder way in the galaxy?

What’s on the radio over yonder way in the galaxy?

While most Americans were bogged down in all the drama of Election Day and its sequels — The Election Day Strikes Back and Return of the Election Day — NASA was trying to direct our attention to some developments of astronomical scale, literally.  It all started just before Halloween when NASA announced that SOFIA had confirmed there is water on the moon. I’m not sure whether the SOFIA is Vergara or Coppola, but kudos to the lady for finding it. Oh, wait. Turns out that SOFIA is an acronym for NASA’s Stratospheric Observatory for Infrared Astronomy. I guess that’s better […]

Don’t lock yourself in the Parler

Don’t lock yourself in the Parler

(Photo: Me outside the Parler world headquarters, a gift shop on Saint Simons Island. OK, maybe this isn’t the Parler headquarters, but I bet the proprietor loves Parler almost as much as he hates liberals.) Like a lot of my conservative friends, I now have an account on Parler — the conservative, wild west social media alternative to Facebook and Twitter, where facts are never checked, conspiracy theories are welcome and their version of a “retweet” is called an “echo,” which is fitting because it is definitely an echo chamber. Of course, you’re going to be mighty bored following my […]