Tag: marjorie taylor greene

My exclusive interview with Vladimir Putin

My exclusive interview with Vladimir Putin

One of the great things I love about being a world-famous journalist is the way prominent people jump at the chance to be interviewed by me … Me: Hi everyone. As you can see, I’ve got my serious journalist face on and my formal flip-flops. Welcome to my new special “Nine people ruining the world for the other 8 billion.” Today, I’m speaking with Russian dictator — not president — Vladimir Putin. Hello. V: Hello. Me: Thanks again for wearing a shirt. Now, first of all, you said that you had to invade Ukraine to get rid of the Nazis. […]

How to wash your pickup truck

How to wash your pickup truck

I just did something unusual — well, unusual for me anyway. I took my pickup truck through the car wash. This was quite the shock to everyone I know, especially my wife who is convinced that I can’t actually see dirt until it piles up to the point that folks give it a name that starts with Mount. Not only that, but I purchased the $25 wash — the most money I’ve spent on a vehicle cleaning in my entire life. Yes, I know some of you spend 10 times that at some specialty place where they crawl all around […]

Merle Haggard ain’t gonna like my answer to his 40-year-old question

Merle Haggard ain’t gonna like my answer to his 40-year-old question

My favorite country music artist of all time is the late Merle Haggard. Yeah, Willie and Waylon are high on my list, but Merle’s life was a country song personified, and he produced some simple, yet memorable music. I’m thankful that I had the pleasure of seeing him perform — at the old Silver Moon in Buena Vista, Georgia, back in 1994. He looked a hundred years old then. He was 57. Life had taken a toll. After a rough and rowdy youth, Merle turned his life around and became a huge star, but he seemed destined for the dust […]

In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

In 2033, I land an exclusive interview with our favorite expatriated American

When you’re a part-time newspaper columnist like me, one of the advantages is the untold riches those 25 minutes of weekly work brings and the capacity to buy anything you want. I bought a time machine. Sure, I could go back in time and kill baby Hitler or go forward to get next week’s lottery numbers, but, again, I am already filthy rich — not rich enough to buy (or maybe not) Twitter but enough to buy (or maybe not) Parler. I’d let you borrow my time machine, but it’s a stick shift, and the air-conditioner doesn’t work. (Again, just […]

2022: The Year in Preview

2022: The Year in Preview

When your year begins with an exciting live-action episode of “The Walking Dead” filmed at the U.S. Capitol with thousands of frothing-at-the-mouth, brainless zombies, you know it’s going to be an interesting year. And 2021 certainly was that. But it’s time to put all that behind us — even though lawmakers are still investigating the January 6 insurrection, former President Trump is still pretending he won the 2020 election, and CNN complains that people give Trump too much airtime while never going three minutes without using the word “Trump.” Unfortunately, 2022 is shaping up to be much, much more of […]

Q has opened my eyes

Q has opened my eyes

Folks these days are quick to throw stones at things they don’t understand. And because people get a little dumber every day, they’re going to need a lot more stones. We may have to import some from the Taliban. In America, of course, we do most of our stone-throwing virtually through tweets and Facebook comments. We save most of our stones for folks like scientists who think they know about science, doctors who think they know about medicine and especially for folks who believe scientists and doctors and other such purveyors of ridiculous facts. There are some groups who truly […]

Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

Candid craziness is now an endearing quality

When Donald Trump first came down that escalator in 2015, politics in America changed forever. Like him or not, believe he is truthful or not, think he brought Jesus back to the White House or makes Jesus vomit, whatever — it’s indisputable that politics, particularly at the top of the spectrum, changed forever for better or for worse. Whether we are better off for America’s relatively new politics of personality over principles is not what I’m here to talk about … or type about in this instance. It’s here to stay, so I’m thinking about how we navigate these nasty […]

Are there really only two kinds of people?

Are there really only two kinds of people?

Don’t you just hate it when folks speak in absolute terms? I know I always hate it and will never understand. Folks like to say things such as “It always rains when I plan to do something outside.” Really? Always? I know better than that because clouds always dodge my yard when it needs water, and my grass never gets enough rain. Another absolutism that always gets me is how folks like to make a point starting with, “There are two kinds of people …” I’m fairly certain there are more than two kinds of people. Heck, I can think […]