The Kudzu Kronicle

Because not all Southerners are the same

Tag: mike pence

Why I ain’t a Democrat … or a Republican

When you’re a white guy from the South with a Southern accent, a pickup truck, a shotgun and two — count ’em, two — Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirts, folks around here assume you’re a Republican. They assume you’re a genuine, Obama-birth-certificate-doutin’, Hillary hatin’, Fox News lovin’, Trump-worshippin’ right-winger.

Well, I ain’t. I mean, I’m not. I buck that stereotype in these here parts. The thing about most stereotypes, though, is that they often are generally true. Most of the folks I know around here who fit that description are indeed right-wingers — some to the point of wearing a Q shirt and mumbling “lock her up” in their sleep.

The conservatives I know think I’m a Democrat. I ain’t. I mainly vote that way right now because I think the GOP has fallen down a hole while chasing a crazed orange rabbit. I consider myself an independent with my views ranging from left to right and averaging somewhere in the middle — which, granted, is a mighty lonely place these days. It’s hard to get folks fired up about moderation:

What do we want?!
Moderation!
When do we want it?!
At a reasonable juncture when it will effect necessary positive outcomes across a vast spectrum of interests and needs in a prudent fashion!
What do we … I’m sorry … what?

“Ha! You ain’t no moderate!” I can hear my right-wing friends saying. Not on every issue, no, but on some. And take that gun out of your mouth, Gomer.

So, where do I stray from some liberals? Well, here are a few areas: Continue reading

Trump should go all-in on this whole TV administration thing

Lately, President Trump has taken a lot of heat for turning to television for people to fill posts throughout his administration. Of course, that’s simply going to make him even more intent upon doing exactly that.

I say the president should double-down on this whole television administration thing. I know he’d like to basically employ all of Fox News, but I think that is far too limiting, and they make a lot more money scaring old white folks in primetime than they could all day in government. He should reach beyond punditry channels, news networks and reality TV. He should give some strong consideration to fictional TV characters.

For instance, I think Archie Bunker would make a great press secretary. Trump obviously does not care about political correctness, and Archie Bunker does not seem to be too fond of it, either. I would love to hear Archie take questions from all those Meatheads in the briefing room. “Geez Louise, Sciutto! Ain’t you got a question that’s got nuttin’ to do with what Trump done Tweetbooked on the pot this morning?” Continue reading

The great curling debate

I know you are as excited as I am for the upcoming Winter Olympics. I’m wearing my USA t-shirt, bought a snow-cone machine and am making some hot cocoa right now. OK, let’s go! USA! USA!

Wait, what? What do you mean they’re already over? Well, yes I saw a bunch of white folks on TV recently, but I thought that was just CPAC. Hmm, in hindsight, I thought Mike Pence looked a little too agile in the half-pipe.

Perhaps I wasn’t paying attention because like so many Americans, I’ve been caught up in a tiring debate where no common ground is ever discovered. That debate, of course is “Curling: A stupid sport or merely ridiculous?”

There are a lot of sports I don’t really enjoy that many other folks do enjoy. Take soccer, for instance. Literally, gazillions of people around the world play the sport. It’s simple. It’s good exercise. You don’t need thousands of dollars’ worth of equipment to play. There’s obviously good reason why it’s so popular. I just don’t particularly enjoy watching it — or any sport where there is a significant chance that the game may end with a score of 0-0, the same score it was when you arrived at the stadium. Continue reading

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