Tag: President Trump

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Good luck in that quest for facts, Twitter!

Last week, President Trump announced he was going to crack down on social media after Twitter had the audacity to fact-check a couple of his tweets. Actually, they didn’t exactly fact-check him — they merely linked to a couple of sites where his Twitter followers could do the fact-checking themselves. Clearly Twitter does not realize that we live in a fact-averse society. Truth is so last century. If you believe everything you read on Twitter, in a couple of hours you’ll be yelling, “There is no way on God’s flat Earth that I’m taking a vaccine made in the basement […]

Welcome to Georgia’s pandemic radio station!

Welcome to Georgia’s pandemic radio station!

Welcome to Virus Radio, playing Georgia’s pandemic hits 24 hours a day! Heck, this is Georgia, baby, and we don’t do no stinkin’ numbers and facts, so, starting tomorrow, we are gonna broadcast 25 hours a day, eight days a week. This is DJ CJ with your Morning Drive for all you essential workers out there heading to your essential jobs — the health care workers, first responders, food prep folks, hair stylists, tattoo artists, massage therapists, nail technicians and, of course, our essential gun shop personnel in case we need to buy a gun to shoot anyone we see […]

Hey (hey) you (you), get off of my White Cloud!

Hey (hey) you (you), get off of my White Cloud!

Tomorrow could be a momentous day at the Johnson household. That’s the day my online order of toilet paper is supposed to arrive. Supposed to. As President Trump says — about everything — “We’ll see.” When this pandemic first hit the United States, toilet paper began flying off shelves. But, I thought, surely this won’t last. After all, I can’t imagine that the bathroom-going habits of Americans have changed all that much. Or have they? “Well, Gladys, I got furloughed for the month of April. If you need me, I’ll be in here pooping until May. Thank goodness we bought […]

Be a better you when this is over

Be a better you when this is over

(Photo: I snapped this shot of a guy contemplating the sunset on giant rocks that jutted out into the Pacific Ocean in the little fishing village of Las Peñitas, Nicaragua, during my first trip there to help build homes for families in need with The Fuller Center for Housing. This look of contemplation against the backdrop of the sunset seems to fit this column.) With all of the things that could go wrong during a pandemic, I guess I’m pretty unscathed by the coronavirus outbreak. I got sick … with something. Who knows what I was sick with because the […]

I’m ready for the coronazombielypse

I’m ready for the coronazombielypse

Before the administration muzzled its infectious disease experts and ordered them to funnel anything they say through the U.S. Department of Don’t Worry ‘Bout It, they kind of let it slip that this whole coronavirus thing just might get worse before it gets better. Or as President Trump explained in remarkable detail, “We’ll see.” Fortunately, talk radio star Rush Limbaugh put everyone at ease on his February 24 show by explaining, “The coronavirus is the common cold, folks.” That’s very reassuring coming from a guy who decried the “nanny state” that frowned upon his love of cigars before he developed […]

Sometimes, resolutions are for the Dawgs

Sometimes, resolutions are for the Dawgs

Every year, I make a few New Year’s resolutions. I don’t usually make them public because the last thing I need in my life is someone holding me accountable to what I say or write. It’d be like if President Trump said something like, “We’re gonna build a big, beautiful wall, and Mexico is gonna pay for it,” and his supporters actually held him to it. No, I can’t handle accountability any more than he can. Unfortunately, I can’t blame everybody else — Democrats, the fake news, the Fed, Rosie O’Donnell — for my failures. If I make a resolution, […]

Debriefing Santa Claus

Debriefing Santa Claus

Today we celebrate Christmas Day — or Jimmy Buffett’s birthday if you’re more into being a Parrothead than into religion. Better yet, throw on a tropical shirt, put on that “A1A” album and open some presents. After all, the jolly old elf Santa Claus put a lot of work into circumnavigating the Earth last night in search of good little boys and girls to leave presents under the tree. Unfortunately, Santa is an unusually foul mood today. I caught up with him for a little interview about how the night went and plans for next Christmas. Me: Merry Christmas, Santa! […]

2019: The year in preview

2019: The year in preview

As we say goodbye to 2018 — also adios, farewell, and go crawl back under whatever horrible rock you came from to 2018 — we can rest assured that 2019 can’t possibly be as irritating, mainly because there are no midterm elections. And in Georgia there is no gubernatorial election, which means the next time Brian Kemp points a gun at a teenager, he could get arrested for it. It has become an annual tradition for, literally, dozens of people across the nation to curl up with my annual Year in Preview. Anybody can report on what happened in the […]