The Kudzu Kronicle

Because not all Southerners are the same

Tag: scott pruitt

It’s so easy to confuse Mitt Romney with Dr. John

There is a major problem in the United States that no one addresses. As a pseudo-journalist whose name has yet to appear on President Trump’s enemies list, it falls upon to me to address this very serious issue. I know I’m not on the list because former FBI Director James Comey did not bring it up during his appearance on “The View.” (Or was I was watching Lurch on “The Addams Family?”)

Anyway, this major problem is from the world of sports. And, no, I’m not talking about that quarterback who took a knee — Colin Kaeppur … Caperni … Whatever, I don’t feel like googling how to spell it right now.

No, this issue involves the NBA. It’s not about the games taking way too long with 27 timeouts and 45 free throws in the final two minutes. I’m not talking about the fact that they banned actual defensive effort since 1998. I’m not even talking about how you can’t enjoy the game anymore because they feel compelled to play horrible music between play and even worse music during play.

“All this dribbling and dunking is making me sleepy. Hey, I know! Play that ‘Seven Nation Army’ thing again!”

I’m talking, of course, about the biggest problem in the NBA, professional sports and quite possibly American history. I’m talking about the Utah Jazz.

What do you mean, “What about the Utah Jazz?” What a stupid question?! You just said the words “Utah Jazz!” That’s the problem. Those two words should never go together. There’s nothing jazzy about Utah. There’s barely anything even musical about Utah. Continue reading

Keep this Facebook mess in perspective

Facebook founder CEO and original friend Mark Zuckerberg is set to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee tomorrow. There is sure to be — as always — plenty of grandstanding by the senators, especially when the TV cameras are on them so that they can perform some of their favorite acting routines.

This is all about privacy, of course. These senators are set to pretend they care about your privacy. Of course, we all know better than that. What are we supposed to believe next? That Scott Pruitt cares about the environment? That Betsy DeVos cares about education? That Sylvester cares about Tweety? C’mon, man!

It’s all a performance. It’s a stage for senators to put together highlight reels for their next campaigns. The senators know it. Zuckerberg knows it. We all know it. If you’re unfamiliar with how these hearings work, here’s a preview of what you will see tomorrow: Continue reading

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