Tag: vladimir putin

My exclusive interview with Vladimir Putin

My exclusive interview with Vladimir Putin

One of the great things I love about being a world-famous journalist is the way prominent people jump at the chance to be interviewed by me … Me: Hi everyone. As you can see, I’ve got my serious journalist face on and my formal flip-flops. Welcome to my new special “Nine people ruining the world for the other 8 billion.” Today, I’m speaking with Russian dictator — not president — Vladimir Putin. Hello. V: Hello. Me: Thanks again for wearing a shirt. Now, first of all, you said that you had to invade Ukraine to get rid of the Nazis. […]

Let’s reconsider a few poorly used words and terms

Let’s reconsider a few poorly used words and terms

Mark Twain once said the difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. That’s kinda true. Of course, it’s not the only difference. No one ever ran out to catch a lightning bolt in an old Mason jar with holes in the top. Well, except maybe Ben Franklin. He drank a lot and had some weird fascination with electricity. In fact, I doubt Mark Twain ever said that — he wrote that. Today’s lesson is about choosing the right word, for there is a huge difference between saying something and […]

Jiminy Cricket! Boycott Disney or don’t, but quit whining!

Jiminy Cricket! Boycott Disney or don’t, but quit whining!

When it comes to the battle between right-wingers and Disney, I don’t really have a Pluto in this fight. Orlando is my least favorite town on Earth, just behind Aleppo, Syria, and College Park, Georgia. I’m also not a bigot who has knee-jerk reactions when he hears about anything related to gay or trans issues. I am, however, vehemently against whining. And America is now an incredibly whiny country. This whole Disney thing exploded when the company got in trouble with its more woke employees and supporters for not immediately coming out strongly against Florida’s “Parental Rights in Education” bill, […]

The Bobs from “Office Space” need to meet with the U.N. Security Council

The Bobs from “Office Space” need to meet with the U.N. Security Council

If you Google “U.N. Security Council,” “Security Council” or “What the heck is the point of this stupid Security Council if it’s completely impotent and can’t stop the sickening onslaught and war crimes in Ukraine,” the top result is probably going to be the website — www.un.org/securitycouncil. It’s possible that I’m the one who used that third Google search term and wound up on that page, where I noticed something very interesting. It was the very first sentence on the website, which I thought might indicate something rather important: “The Security Council has primary responsibility for the maintenance of international […]

Journalists fight for truth even as feces-flingers prefer propaganda

Journalists fight for truth even as feces-flingers prefer propaganda

Right now in Russia, purveyors of “fake news” (deemed as such by that bastion of truthfulness and decency The Kremlin) can face a 15-year prison sentence under a new law enacted by truth-fearer Vladimir Putin and his gutless cohorts. This is on top of a 2019 “fake news” law that had somewhat lighter penalties with smaller fines and less jail time but that always-scary mark on your permanent record. I got that “permanent record” warning a lot when I was in school, though I was never really sure what it meant. I remain scared that someday when I try to […]

Remember when we all gathered on hillsides with soda and wanted to teach the world to sing?

Remember when we all gathered on hillsides with soda and wanted to teach the world to sing?

This world is a fragile place. We’ve got nuclear weapons pointed this way and that. There are doomsday ice shelves threatening to break away and flood the oceans any year, day or minute now. We’ve got 1 percent of the American population dictating our economic policies. And there are like zero biscuits at the grocery store. Who hoardes biscuits?! Have you no shame?! There are problems all over the world and problems here in America. There are problems on Aisle 3 of Groceries R Us. Even in Wal-Mart, I have to check myself out these days. “Sir, what are you […]

The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

The top-secret transcript of Biden’s last call with Putin

Some of you may not know that writing newspaper columns, books and blogs is not my real job. I mean, it all pays incredible money and I often roll around naked in cash like Demi Moore in “Indecent Proposal,” but I do have a real job — on the White House staff as an advisor to the president. I spend a lot of time with President Joe Biden helping him navigate the complexities of the Covid response, increasing inflation amid even-further-increasing corporate profits and handling his Twitter account. Lately, though, I’ve spent a lot of time helping him with the […]

We gotta do some serious reconciling after today

We gotta do some serious reconciling after today

If you’re like me, I imagine you’ve had today — November 3 for those of you playing at home — circled on your calendar (you know, the one with the cute puppies in flower baskets) for a long time. That’s right. After months upon months of arguing, yelling, debates, gazillions of dollars wasted and lies upon lies, it’s, yes, National Sandwich Day. I didn’t grow up super wealthy, so I know all too well what a mustard-and-ketchup sandwich tastes like. You’d think I’d be all about some decent modern sandwiches. Yet, I’m not a big fan of any chain sandwich […]