Are there really only two kinds of people?

Don’t you just hate it when folks speak in absolute terms? I know I always hate it and will never understand.

Folks like to say things such as “It always rains when I plan to do something outside.” Really? Always? I know better than that because clouds always dodge my yard when it needs water, and my grass never gets enough rain.

Another absolutism that always gets me is how folks like to make a point starting with, “There are two kinds of people …” I’m fairly certain there are more than two kinds of people. Heck, I can think of at least a dozen kinds of people on my street alone — and none of them are normal people, including in my house.

That opening “two kinds of people” phrase, though, does help to illustrate points, so long as you understand that there’s not only two kinds of people and there’s always a little more to the story.

For instance, there are two kinds of neighbors on my street — folks who pull their vehicles into the driveway forward (efficiently and quickly) and there are what I like to call backer-inners. You know these folks. They stop in the middle of the road, angle their truck just right, pull up, pull back, tweak it a little and slowly back into their driveway so that they will be able to pull out so easily into traffic when they leave again — except there’s no real traffic on my street, and the only traffic jams are caused by the backer-inners. In fact, if you get three or four backer-inners living around each other and they all get home at the same time, you might as well take a nap in your vehicle while you wait for the backer-innners to clear the road.

But, again, those are the only two kinds. There also are the people who park in the street constantly as if they own it. And there’s a worse version of those folks, and that’s the folks who park in the street in front of my mailbox to keep me from getting mail delivered. These kinds of people are called …

“What do you mean I can’t print that word? It is a perfectly legitimate body part!”

Anyhoo, I thought about this two kinds of people thing recently when I heard some sports radio hosts furiously debating whether you should put on both of your socks and then your shoes or whether you you should put on a sock and shoe and then the other sock and shoe. They said there were two kinds of people — sock-sock-shoe-shoe and sock-shoe-sock-shoe, and that the former were crazy. As a flip-flop aficionado myself, I thought they were all crazy.

Another popular two kinds of people track is that there are folks who like to vacation in the mountains and folks who prefer to go to the beach. I’m a beach person myself, but I’ve seen some mighty fine beaches in the Caribbean with mountains as backdrops. Now, I’m a Georgia boy, so my idea of a mountain is Pine Mountain, which I love, but there are people like my boss who grew up in Colorado and thinks Brasstown Bald is a speedbump, but I still say a beach with a hill behind it in Puerto Rico or St. Thomas is a great compromise.

In American politics, they says there are two kinds of people — Democrats and Republicans, a two-party system that no longer works at all. They just try to thwart any successes of the other party so that they can retake power and then get thwarted themselves. That’s why I’m proudly independent and a different kind of people. Did you know it’s possible to not be a fan of Biden or Trump? Did you know it’s possible to think Ilhan Omar and Marjorie Taylor-Greene are both crazy? At least we know there are two kinds of people in Congress — those with integrity and those without, the latter making up the vast majority.

A lot of religions have two kinds of people schisms. In Islam, you’ve got Sunni and Shiite. In Judaism, there’s Orthodox and Reform. And in American Christianity, you’ve got all kinds of denominations splitting up over their preferred level of homophobia.

There are not a lot of Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or Scientologists in my neck of the woods. It’s mostly a bunch of Christians and some nonbelievers. I have many friends on both sides. The strange thing I’ve noticed about them is that my Christian friends love Jesus, but my nonbeliever friends agree with Him more. It’s a strange dichotomy.

And that’s absolutely crazy.

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