Q has opened my eyes

Folks these days are quick to throw stones at things they don’t understand. And because people get a little dumber every day, they’re going to need a lot more stones. We may have to import some from the Taliban.

In America, of course, we do most of our stone-throwing virtually through tweets and Facebook comments. We save most of our stones for folks like scientists who think they know about science, doctors who think they know about medicine and especially for folks who believe scientists and doctors and other such purveyors of ridiculous facts.

There are some groups who truly jump off the page as so utterly ridiculous that they almost seem unreal — like the Westboro Baptist Church lunatics, Bigfoot hunters or Jason Aldean fans. For many of us, it’s hard to believe such groups actually exist. And if we find out they do, indeed, exist, we throw stones.

However, if you just spent a little time with these crazy groups, you might find they’re not all that crazy. You might even come to like some of the folks. If you spend enough time with them, you might even find that they’re right and you’re wrong.

So, I’ve given it a shot. No, I didn’t purposefully listen to a Jason Aldean song. A man’s got his limits. Instead, I decided to join a group that many folks think is a crazy cult and take a look around from the inside.

Yes, I’ve become a Qanon follower. Well, I’m in the early stages, and I’m having a hard time figuring out how it all works and where to get the most up-to-date, accurate disinformation. Much of it can be found on the Dark Web, which I think is juicier and tastier than the White Web. Unfortunately, as a newbie to the Qanon movement — or a Q-bie as we Qool kids like to say — I’m having trouble disseminating disinformation accurately.

For instance, I went to Dallas last week for the big rally where JFK Jr. showed up and revealed to America that Donald Trump has been reinstated as our “19th president” with JFK Jr. as vice president — something that was made possible on Sept. 11, 2020, when Trump, via the Insurrection Act, handed the reins of power to Junior’s daddy, a then 103-year-old JFK. Yes, apparently the only Dead Kennedys are a rock band. This all makes perfect sense. I mean, if Keith Richards is still touring with the Rolling Stones, is death even a thing anymore?

Again, though, I was out of the loop. JFK Jr. was supposed to show on Tuesday, while I arrived on Wednesday. Oops. Fortunately, there was another Qanoner there who also had the date wrong. He was a tall, dashing fellow who introduced me to his wife, Carolyn, and then tried to sell me a magazine. But I didn’t want to look stupid hanging around Dealey Plaza with just a couple of other confused folks, so I took off.

Clearly, being a good Qanoner is gonna take a little practice … and at least 10 articles of clothing with a “Q” on them. I have none, but I do have three “Sometimes Y” shirts.

I’m also on a constant lookout for evil doings, especially in pizza places, which often arouse suspicion among us Anons. Anytime I walk in a pizza joint these days, I look for evil things such as child slaves or pineapple on a pizza. I’ve found a few child slaves so far, but they were merely slaves to their electronic devices and not Hillary Clinton.

Well, lookie here: I just got an email from Ms. Q herself, Marjorie Taylor-Greene. Says here that George Soros is about to fire up those Jewish Space Lasers and start some more wildfires as soon as he finishes the babies he’s having for breakfast.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to run out here and defend the woods behind my house with this here Baptist Anti-Laser Shield.

Oops, almost forgot my camera … just in case I see Bigfoot.

Leave a Reply